Purpose for Tomorrow.

Lord keep me soft.

2011-12-06T07:56:00.001-08:00

Lord, this world can be so cruel-
Filled with unkind words and invisible daggers.
But when wrongs are done to me,
Lord keep me soft.

Lord, this world can be so abusive-
Filled with brutal people and wealthy beggars.
But when wrongs are done to me,
Lord keep me soft.

Lord, this world can be so consumed-
Filled with selfishness and materialistic passions.
But when wrongs are done to me,
Lord keep me soft.

Lord keep me soft.
Remind me of those who live life without.
The thousands of people stuck in a drought.
Remind me of children who are lucky to eat.
The thousands of people, no shoes on their feet.
Remind me of the girls sold to man’s lust.
The families who sell her, believing they must.
Remind me of countries with sewage as water.
The cultures submitting innocent people to slaughter.
Remind me of fathers enslaved to cutting stone
And their children whose inheritance will be his loan.

Remind me, Lord, my problems are nothing.
In the land that I live, I will always have something.
Even our homeless are rich when compared.
Lord keep me soft. Don’t let me get hard.

Struggling with Addictions.

2011-10-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

Money is running out, but the craving is strong, and your mind scrambles for a way to get your fix. You glance at your empty bank account and at the same time realize that your closest friends have all vanished from your life, tired of dealing with your addiction... or too buried by their own.

Picking up your phone, you scroll through the names, hoping that one of your old contacts would take compassion on you and loan you some money. "Why do you need the money?" they ask... And you desperate for the cash, sneak out a little white lie. "Food". Which was probably true. After all, you hadn't really eaten a good meal in a while, and God knows, that you had no money to buy food, let alone the desperately desired fix....
===============================================

I have gotten an inkling that those I've interacted with on the streets, and even on occasion by those I know, are struggling with addictions. I've found that often, those struggling with addiction will appeal to us with a request for their basic needs - food, shelter, clothes, and maybe even work... But within them is a desperation to satisfy their addiction. By handing them money, I don't believe that we are really helping them, but rather aiding their addiction.

So what can we do?

I implore you to ask yourself, what is the basic need behind an addiction? Perhaps I am too quick to come to a conclusion, and please give me your thoughts, but I wonder if maybe the basic need behind addictions is a need for Jesus Christ. A need for God's unconditional love that was sent down to earth as a sacrifice for our sins, so that we could have relationship with HIM. The basic need of love.

God made a way for us to have relationship with him, and by grace, we can be saved! Saved, yes, even from addictions!

Now, I know that often, that isn't easily accepted... but I do know that love is rarely rejected. So for me, I hope I always respond to those around me, those on the streets, those who call me searching for money, with love. The unconditional love that God has freely given to me.

Freely you have received, so freely give...

If you are struggling with addictions, I hope you hear this - There is hope and unconditional love waiting for you!

Cardboard Sign

2011-05-10T20:09:00.001-07:00

Two days ago I met a young girl, who I will refer to as Maggie, standing on a corner holding up a cardboard sign. A cardboard sign that tells of a class of people, not very highly looked upon, and often ignored.

I put my four way flashers on and got out of my car, not really thinking, just moving. I walked up to Maggie and gently asked her “What’s going on?”

She was homeless and hungry…and pregnant.

“How old are you?”

She was eighteen, had just gotten out of a bad relationship, and was trying to get to Little Rock to stay with her sister.

I didn’t know what to do or how I could help her, but I knew that I wanted to. I didn’t have any cash, but I had some leftovers from the restaurant I’d just left and some crackers. I offered them to her and she quickly accepted…

Over the course of the next two days, and with Lifehouse and my sister behind me, I was able to offer Maggie some encouragement, a bus ticket to her sister, meals, a place to stay, and what I hoped would be a new beginning for her.

Maggie had been homeless for a week, after leaving her abusive, drug-addicted boyfriend of the last year and a half. She was four and a half months pregnant, lonely, and hopeless. Through God’s grace, my sister and I had the chance to sow seeds of love and truth into her…

Maggie had a ticket to Little Rock today. She was supposed to call my sister and I this morning, and we planned to meet her at the bus station; however, though my sister waited for quite some time for her, she never showed up. It’s possible she still made it to that bus, but we will most likely never know.

I can’t quite explain what emotions I have…When I stepped into this situation I was prepared to be lied to and was mindful of the possibility of being taken advantage of… but in the end, I still found myself disappointed…

With the sting of disappointment in my heart, I thought about all that God has done for us. How often do I take HIM for granted? How often do I take for granted the grace he so freely gives and disregard the new beginnings he offers.

Today I’m challenged. I could give up on helping those homeless and in need because of the possibility of their abuse of it, or I can take moments like these and be reminded to not only thank God for all he has given to me, but to step into the life and freedom that he paid so much for me to have.

Be reminded today how much God loves you and how much He has paid for you so that you could have life. And not only life, but life abundantly!

Love,
Sarah

2011-04-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

Round and round and round and round...
Emotions cycling.
Faith strong, then waning.
Over and over and over and over...
Learning lessons
Falling down, then rising.
On and on and on and on...
Slowly advancing
Backwards one, forwards two.

Round and round and round and round
over and over and over and over
on and on and on and on...

If I don't quit, I'll win.

He knew what he was getting into...

2011-04-03T18:55:00.000-07:00

Thank you Lord for loving me. For choosing me...

Poor Baby Bunny subjected to the cycle of life...

2011-03-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

I was outside with my roommate's dog, Sky, and instantly, Sky started chasing down rabbits and squirrels, to which I responded, go get em girl - not really thinking she might actually do it... Since I was in the middle of making dinner, I left Sky outside and came back in to finish cooking my meal... that's when I heard it. Something that sounded like a squeaky toy... I look out the window and Sky clearly had something in her mouth... I thought a bird. So Gabby and I ran out to try and save the poor creature. I guess a bird wouldn't have been so bad, but it was baby rabbits. Sky had already killed one, and she had another one in her mouth. Maybe she thought it WAS a squeaky toy, all I know is that I felt so sad for those tiny little rabbits. They didn't even have their eyes opened yet.

Gabby was pretty calm... of course, things like this happen in nature. Animals die. It's a cycle of life. Anyway, sometimes I think its good to remember that "the cycle" exists...

I don't know where rabbits go when they die, and am not worried about it, but how wonderful is it to know that when loved ones (humans) die, we can have confidence that we will see them again (if they knew the Lord, and we do too...). 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

The End.

Caught up on the facts...

2011-03-09T04:36:00.000-08:00

John 7:40-42, 52 (AMP)
Listening to those words, some of the multitude said, This is certainly and beyond doubt the Prophet! Others said, This is the Christ (The Messiah, Anointed One)! But some said, What? Does the Christ come out of Galilee? Does not the Scripture tell us that the Christ will come from the offspring of David and from Bethlehem, the village where David lived? [Psalm 89:3, Mic 5:2] ....(52) They answered him, Are you too from Galiliee? Search [the scriptures yourself], and you will see that no prophet comes (will rise to prominence) from Galilee.
-----------------------------------------------------------

I'm not sure exactly how to approach this post, but when I read this passage this morning, I was struck with the insight that these people were caught up with the facts. I imagine the speakers who doubted Jesus being the Christ were pretty educated, as they knew what the scriptures said about where the Christ will come from. Unfortunately, they didn't have ALL of the facts, and in this case, their knowledge hindered their ability to believe.

I try picturing myself back in these settings and I find myself convicted with the pharisees and the doubters who were caught up in their knowledge. Knowledge of the prophecies, knowledge of the laws... And from an outside perspective, they were pretty good at their legalism, but Jesus wasn't impressed. While man looks at the outward appearance, Jesus/God looks at the hearts (Gal 2:6).

It seems the pharisees & educated made decisions and judgements based on appearances, but Jesus says to "be honest in your judgement and do not decide at a glance (superficially and by appearances); but judge fairly and righteously" (John 7:24).

Where am I going with this?

My question is this - How often are we caught up on the facts and hindered in faith because of one thing we "know" or what we see? And because we think we know the answer, we don't look any further...

I considered going through some examples, but instead, I just challenge you to look closer at the areas in your life that you are struggling to believe and have faith... Don't let yourself get caught up on the facts, but look deeper... Look at the heart, the root...

PS. While these educated speakers in John knew "the facts", they missed out on the detail that Jesus was born in Bethlehem, and that he actually fulfilled all of the prophecies about "the Christ"... We are blessed to have our Bibles that helps lay it all out for us so that we can understand more clearly, but even with that, there comes a point when you must just believe...

S.W.I.Ps Group 3/1/2010

2011-03-01T20:30:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd share a couple of emails that I sent out to the small group that my friend Dani and I are leading... SWIPs - Secure Women in Process...

Email #1
Be intentional in taking steps towards security this week! Don't forget to think about what you are saying about yourself! Try to find at least one verse that really speaks to your situation. Memorize it and say it as many times a day as needed. If you keep meditating on and speaking out the truth in God's word, you will begin to believe it!!

I've listed some links to articles on perfectionism that really hit me... I know that for me, giving myself grace to be imperfect has been closely tied to overcoming my insecurities. The articles:

Freedom from the Prison of Perfectionism http://www.gendertree.com/Prison%20of%20Perfection.htm
What is Perfectionism (including steps to overcoming it) http://www.livestrong.com/article/14702-overcoming-perfectionism/
Perfection is a Thief http://www.mmbc-abq.org/PDFs/Daily%20Reading%20August%209%20-August%2013.pdf
How to Excape Perfectionism http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=3845

Email #2
Scripture
Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. "
The Challenge - Every time you look at yourself in the mirror or where ever you feel it fits, say of yourself, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind"
The challenge - When you feel insecure, afraid, or like you are going crazy (come on, we all have those moments), meditate on this verse. Say of yourself, I have a Spirit of power and of love. I have a sound mind.

Romans 8:1-2 "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the spirit of life set me from the law of sin and death"
The challenge - When you are feeling like a failure and down on yourself, say to yourself I am not condemned, but I AM free...

Isaiah 54:17 "No weapon formed against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me"
The challenge - When you are feeling under attack, say confidently to the enemy (remember you don't fight against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers of this dark world Ephesians 6:12) No weapon formed against me shall prevail.

Psalm 91:1-2 "He who dwells in the secret place of the most high shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty, whose power no foe can withstand. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God. On him I lean and rely, and in him I confidently trust"
The challenge - First, spend time in God's presence. Then, no matter what you face remind yourself that I am stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty. HE is my refuge. I lean and rely on him. I confidently trust in the Lord!

I'm sure I could find many other powerful verses, but I'm gonna stop here... If you have a specific situation, struggle, or insecurity and you are struggling to find a verse that really nails what you are feeling, let me know. I will join with you and help find you a verse to fight with. The word of God is, after all, the sword of the spirit...

My question for you is - do you believe the scripture is true? If your answer is yes, then you need to start meditating on what is TRUE, as Philipians 4:8 instructs us to do. You are on your way to victory! God is faithful, and I am CONFIDENT that HE (God) who began this good work in you WILL carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:6) So STAND FIRM, and do not let yourselves become burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1)...

I believe in you ( and me). We can do it! Even if we don't do it perfectly, we are on our way to being more secure women. Praise God!!

I did it my way...and I was frustrated!

2011-02-05T05:02:00.000-08:00

I opened up my Bible this morning (specifically, my new Joyce Meyer Amplified Study Bible) in James 4. My eyes were instantly drawn to this little "Life Point" Study note on one side of my Bible, and I read it. What I read really hit home with me, and so I wanted to share it... See below:

"All human beings have evil tendencies, but James 4:6 teaches us that God will give us more and more grace to deal with these tendencies.

I spent much of my Christian life trying to overcome my own wrong motives and intentions. All my trying brought much frustration. I had to come to a place of humility. I needed to learn that God gives grace to the humble, not the proud (see I Peter 5:5).

We have our own ideas about what we can accomplish, but often we think more highly of ourselves than we ought. We need humble attitudes, knowing that apart from God, we can do nothing.

If you are planning your own way, trying to make things happen in the strength of your own flesh, then no doubt you are frustrated. You probably have said, "No matter what I do, nothing seems to work!" Nothing will ever work until you learn to trust in God's grace.

Relax. Let God be God. Stop being so hard on yourself. Change is a process; it comes little by little. You are on your way to perfection, so enjoy the trip."

In the amplified Bible, James 4:6 says "But He gives us more and more grace (power of the Holy Spirit, to meet this evil tendency and all others fully). That is why he says, God sets Himself against the proud and haughty, but gives grace [continually] to the lowly (those who are humble enough to receive it). [Prov 3:34].

Read the rest of James 4... It's good stuff.

Be Blessed!

Blessed.

2011-01-07T20:40:00.000-08:00

Matthew 5:3-12
WHO are blessed?
3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit,
HOW?
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
WHO
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
HOW
for they will be comforted.
WHO
5 Blessed are the meek,
HOW
for they will inherit the earth.
WHO
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
HOW
for they will be filled.
WHO
7 Blessed are the merciful,
HOW
for they will be shown mercy.
WHO
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
HOW
for they will see God.
WHO
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
HOW
for they will be called sons of God.
WHO
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
HOW
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
WHO
11 "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
HOW
12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

WHO
James 1:12 - Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial,
HOW
because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Relationship with God

2010-12-29T14:10:00.001-08:00

While so often the physical world that we can see seems like reality, I believe in a greater reality. The reality that God exists and is always with me. The reality that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Eph 6:12). The reality that "we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:37-39). I believe in the reality that some day I will be with God forever...

While everything before my eyes tries to hold me.
I hold onto You.
While this world tries to weigh me down with its burden.
I chose Yours.
While temptations tear at me and offer fleshly pleasure.
I seek pleasure in You.

While even in the Christian culture, disagreements break out.
I find my peace in You.
While theology can be uncertain and confusion may prevail.
I come to you for truth.

You are my light, and my salvation.
Whom shall I fear?
No burdens I bear are too heavy, for I cast my burdens onto You and You give me peace.
No temptations I face are uncommon to man, but in You, I overcome them.
No disagreements, or confusing theologies can turn me from Your love.
I choose You, I desire You, I want You.
Heaven will be for me, wherever you are.
It is not so much streets of gold and pearly gates, but the wonder of your presence that I seek.
It is not morality or religion, but relationship with You.
The focus is not my perfection alone, but in You, my redemption.
I will confess Your name more and more.
You are, and always be, the One that cannot live without.
Love, Sarah

TENSE

2010-12-28T15:27:00.001-08:00

My mind has just been going through so many things lately, but today, I may have come across something good...

Have you ever been through a procedure where you are told to relax? The thought is that if you relax, things will be less painful...Which I have found to be true. From shots to women's papsmears to childbirth (my mom's words) to sitting in a chair for an extended period of time (trust me, that can get painful if you're tense), relaxing your muscles can make a huge difference in the amount of pain you feel. I've begun to think that this can apply to not only to the physical realm, but also to the emotional and spiritual realm.

So often, we are emotionally and spiritually tense. We are worried about the future, stressed about the present, carrying around baggage from the past. This approach in life can leave us exhausted, broken, and in a lot more pain than we needed to be if we had just released those things to the Lord...

I have more thoughts about this, but I'll keep turning them around in my mind. I just wanted to put a bit down, because I think this might be worth further examination...

With Love, Sarah

Terrors at Night

2010-11-16T05:32:00.000-08:00

So last night, I had a dream...

There was more to it than this, but to cut to the chase, some ancient dinosaur statues came to life and began to attack the city. Everyone was screaming and running.

Now back at my "house", which was a cave in my dream, noone knew what was going on, but somehow I did. So I was franticaly trying to get everyone's attention so that we could get ready to fight, or hide, or something.

Somewhere in my dream, I stopped myself and asked myself where God was in my dream? I stood there and thought, if this was happening in real life, what would my response be? Would I respond with fear, or would I respond with confidence in God? Would I respond knowing that God is in control and that I am safe in his hands? I like to think that my house would be the safe haven, because my house has been marked by God. I am marked by God! Whom shall I fear?

Psalms 27 says:
The LORD is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid? 2 When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. 3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. 4 One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. 5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. 6 Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the LORD. 7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. 8 My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. 9 Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. 10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. 11 Teach me your way, O LORD; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. 12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence. 13 I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. 14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
-----------------------------
I also have thought about what God's dwelling place is? If you search the Bible, you will see numerous references to God's dwelling, but in a couple places, it seems that God's dwelling (through the Holy Spirit) is in us.

Ephesians 2:22 NIV "And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."

and again in Ephesians 3:16-17
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith..."
-------------------------------

Good stuff, so, if ever nightmares became reality, I know how I am going to respond. I won't be afraid, because I know that I am safe in His dwelling! And no matter what comes my way, I can trust God.

Awe of God.

2010-10-21T14:49:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is, but lately, I've been more and more in AWE of God. I tend to keep myself pretty busy with church, work, friends, projects, and other things... but lately, even in my busy life, God has begun to give me new eyes.

I look out at nature, and I don't just see trees and sky, but I see trees full of leaves on a trunk full of branches that has roots that go into the ground. Each leaf is made up of particles and...wow. Everything little thing that is so easy to take for granted is in actuality so incredible... God didn't skip out on details.

I know there is a lot about God that I don't know or understand, but I know His love is amazing. He reached down into the world and left his imprint all over it... In addition, sometimes I bypass the amazing truth that God chose me!! He picked me out, knowing the many ways I would fail and falter, and pursued me. When I rejected him and turned away, He stayed there, put his hand on me and declared - YOU ARE MINE.

And I know it's true. No matter how much I desire other things, I always want him more! I have so much more I could say about this, but I will hold off...

For the most part, what I wanted to say is that GOD IS AWESOME... and I'm in awe.

God's not Insecure.

2010-09-27T15:56:00.001-07:00

What is with this world that allows people to disappear without a fight... Where is the accountability in relationships? Why do we allow our loved ones' insecurities to ignite our own? And why do we give up?

The one thing I need sometimes from others is for them to refuse to give up on me. To follow through if they say they will be there. To call me if they say they will call me. But when I push them away, and I do... Why do them give me up seemingly without a thought.

Just to clarify to any potential readers, I'm not saying this because I feel as though someone has done this to me recently. I'm saying this because I want to be one of those people who WON'T give up on you.

I hope to be strong enough to be that person who says, You can push me away, but I'll still be here. You can shut me out, but I will still be available to you. You can reject me, but I will accept you. You can hurt me, but I will still love you.

Isn't that who God is to us? Don't we reject God, run from God, put a wall up between us and God?? Many times, it is out of our own insecurities that we push Him away. Boy am I glad that God is NOT insecure. When I get out of my funk that has caused me to run, HE will still be there.

PHEW! God is GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!! WOAH. Seriously. Think about it.

Just another morsel of Faith

2010-09-22T04:55:00.000-07:00

Luke 21:14-15
But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict.

For someone like me, who is used to planning and preparing for what might come, the thought of not planning my defense ahead of time is difficult. But do I really believe God's word is true like I say I do? If so, then I must believe that God will give me words and wisdom, just like he said he would.

Luke 21:16-19
You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. All men will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. By standing firm, you will gain life.

From looking at the lives of the disciples and with the first part of that section of scripture in mind (as well as with my study Bible's commentator's thoughts) it appears that the above passage is not referring to physical safety. My Bible study notes suggest that it indicates that there will be no real spiritual loss. In either case, I choose to trust in God.

May my actions reflect my words above. Thank you, Lord, for increasing my faith!

Note to self:

2010-09-20T15:56:00.000-07:00

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

Phil 4:13

Psalms 24

2010-09-19T19:00:00.000-07:00

The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for he founded it upon the seas and established it upon the waters.

Who may ascend the hill of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. He will receive blessing from the LORD and vindication from God his Savior. 6 Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob. "Selah" Lift up your heads, O you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in.

Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle. Lift up your heads, O you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is he, this King of glory? The LORD Almighty-- he is the King of glory. "Selah"

Believe

2010-09-17T05:15:00.000-07:00

Without going into it, I wanted to say that this past few months, God has been teaching me about faith and trust... Here a testimony about how he was faithful to answer prayer...

I volunteer over at Cox Hospital as a Cuddle Therapist. What that means is that I am in the newborn intensive care unit and love on the babies as much as I can. Well, a while ago, a baby came in whose mother had done drugs while pregnant, and he was going through drug withdrawal. He also had some other health issues. A couple of weeks ago I was holding him and prayed for him that God would heal him and made the bold statement that he would be gone the next week when I came back.

Well, when I went back last week, and he was gone, I kind of shrugged it off with a "wow, that's amazing that he's gone" attitude because I had forgotten I had prayed that. But last night, as I was going to sleep, the Lord reminded me of that prayer 2 weeks ago. So I just wanted to tell everyone! God answers prayer! Don't doubt him! Not to say that things always "look" how we expect them too, but you can count on the fact that God has your back, he hears your prayers, and loves you.

2010-09-13T16:58:00.001-07:00

Thank you David for giving us an example for how to deal with the "down" disease...
Psalms 42:11 "Why are you downcast, oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God"

Thank you Matt Redman for helping me to remember what really matters.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1E5w5KliFcc

Thank you Lord for this day! For the beautiful weather! For strength! For Love! For You!

2010-09-09T05:13:00.000-07:00

Mark 10:29-30
"I tell you the truth", Jesus Replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields--and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.

The NIV Study Bible commentary on the last part of this verse:
Beyond the conflicts of history is the triumph assured to those who belong to God".

It comes down to You.

2010-09-08T04:27:00.000-07:00

It comes down to You, Lord. Who I am in You and that You are IN me. It comes down to You.

Eyes off of Me

2010-08-31T17:05:00.000-07:00

When I take my eyes off of me
and put them back onto You,
It's Amazing how the world opens up
and how my heart fills with joy.

When I take my eyes off of my pain
and put them back onto You,
It's Astounding how the ache inside
turns into a seed of possibilities.

When I take my eyes off of my circumstance
and put them back onto You,
It's Alarming how situations suddenly
seem so filled with hope.

When I take my eyes off of my timeline
and put them back onto you,
It's Awesome how healing sneaks in,
the beginning of something new.

When I take my eyes off of me-
I become free.

A seed of Joy in a Heavy Heart

2010-08-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

Everyone has those days. You know. Those days where you struggle to grasp the joy of the Lord. Rather than light, your heart is heavy. I guess it really isn't about whether or not you have those days, but what you do with them. Recently, I have had the motto of "joy through the trials". Today that was a little more rough.

I asked my mom for a verse and without really knowing what I was feeling she gave me the first one that came to mind - Ecclesiastes 7:3, "Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart". As I was looking this verse up, I found another that encouraged me...

Ecclesiastes 3:9-11, "What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end".

In the end, a heavy heart I can live with, because God is still near and still at work in me. He will complete what he started! Now, that's something to be glad about!!

Love Actually?

2010-08-15T08:32:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago, I began to think about what "Love" really is and what it requires of us as believers. If you read I Corinthians 13:4-7 in the NIV, and you think about it in the context of loving your neighbors or enemies as Jesus commands us to do, you may face a dilemma as I did. After all, "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." (I John 4:8 NIV). This dilemma caused me to ask for the input of some people I really respect and some other random pastors.

In the NIV, I Corinthians 13:4-7 can be summed up as stating, Love is Patient, kind. It does not envy or boast. It is not proud, rude, self-seeking, or easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love doesn't delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes & perseveres.

It was the last section that I struggled with specifically. How do you trust an enemy? Is that even wise? Here is how my cousin answered:

"I will have to dive a little deeper for you latter as I am in Oman right now and unable to dedicate much time to study this very deeply with you. But an initial thought that God is the only one who has true Agape Love and we are to imitate that love in the same way he did. So one question to ask is how did Jesus love, He was God and even himself gave us the command to love our enemies. So a good thing to do would be to look at his response to his "enemies". Another good thought is in whom are we suppose to place our trust in. The person who is coming against us, or the God who made that person and can protect us no matter what happens. I also, am not sure about the wording "always protects and trust" The one I have by memory is King James and it says "Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." Our job biased on this translation is not to protect and trust an individual that is hurting us, but to endure, and believe/ hope that God is able to reconcile the relationship if he so chooses. Our job is to to return evil for evil, but to do good, and be patient even wronged. So a word study of these words might be good. I will say that, I often see Jesus both confronting with truth, and moving his ministry away from those who opposed him. The same is also true for the apostles."

As he pointed out in his message above, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 in the New King James Version says, "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

I also received some input from the father of a friend of mine who is a Chaplain in the army. He stated the following:

"Proposed definition of love: The accurate estimate and adequate supply of another person's need. Jesus accurately estimated that we needed a savior and He adequately supplied that need, at His own great expense......There are truly two levels on which these things must be addressed: a. Inner/personal/vertical relationship: This is our relationship with the Lord and our inner world. b. Outer/professional/horizontal relationships: This is where I speak THE TRUTH, in love. However, you cannot speak the truth with sincere love unless you FIRST have forgiven them in your heart, leaving it to God to be the Judge. "For we know him who said, 'It is MINE to avenge; I will repay...'" Heb 10:13. Jesus modeled this for us: "When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly." 1 Pet 2:23. Our tasks, then, are to forgive and then speak the truth with sincere love. God's are to keep the books and repay; He judges justly."

Some brief comments from my sister:

"I just did a study about how love is also discerning. The Bible also teaches that we are to hold fast to the good, and abhor that which is evil. 'Let love be without dissimilation, ahbor that which is evil, but cling to that which is good.' While loving a person, it does not mean putting yourself in danger. While trusting that they can change, ... that does not mean giving them full trust, for that would be undiscerning..."

The verse she referenced above is found in Romans 12:9. In the NIV, this verse states, "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good."

I also received some input from a pastor in Branson, MO, which I found extremely helpful:

"The Amplified version of verse 7 may help to clarify the phrase "Always
trust" as it says '7)Love bears up under anything and everything that
comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are
fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without
weakening].' Jesus commanded/admonished us to pray for our enemies therefore we can let God's love in us help us to be ever ready to believe the best of every person regardless of anything they say or do. Love's hope is fadeless and endures without weakening or changing from that position. Love will always believe the best of people even when they have failed you over and over again. God NEVER gives up on us. He constantly hopes for the best and each time we come to Him for forgiveness, He treats it as an isolated incident, forgives us and remembers it no more. While we were yet His enemies, Christ died for us, trusting that we would receive this act of
Love and be born again. He gave us a free will.....He had no guarantees we would change.....He understood we would still have to make the right choice. Love will act in faith and believe in people when no one else will. True Love will never fail."

Comments from a friend:

"Love... What is it? Love is A LOT of things and from what I gather, it had much more specific meaning in Bible days than now. I'm guessing you've heard this before but it is SO important and so I'll just throw it out there: Sturge - loyalty love like a natural connection between a parent and child/relative. Phileo - friendship love, like most people at NCU would have had Phileo for each - hey you're on my brother sister floor, "I love you man", friendly affection. Eros - sexual or physical love. Agape - selfless love, Godlike love - NOT controlled by affection. Now, you rightly pointed out that Agape is what was used in 1 Corinthians 13 and other passages and that is the "love" that God wishes that we have (for each other and him) but in the world we live in, it is greatly distorted. Example: I "love" the movie Hitch, I "love" chocolate, I "love" you, I "love" popcorn, I "love" taking a nap in my yard on a cool summer day,,,,etc etc. We have become SO used to hearing that word in all of those meanings, we have LITTLE regard for the amazing-ness of Agape and the differences in love that the Greek DID show....
Luke 6:32 says, "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them." And that IS agape - so sinners are not only capable of love but they are capable of AGAPE. What am I getting at? It is our charge, mission, challenge, opportunity to learn to AGAPE those who have DONE nothing to deserve it from us, after all, we've done nothing to DESERVE the grace of God and His agape love and thus we are given the opportunity to pass on that privilege. I think that it looks different on a few levels - I am the kind of person that always thinks there is a glimmer of hope in someone. God says a number of times that people will be held accountable for their actions.....Now, should you always trust and never make smart decisions when you're around people that hate your guts? No - but barricading yourself is something that will cause the world to continue as it has without anyone being transformed by the power of the gospel..."

One final comment that I received from a friend of a friend. I believe she quoted this from someone, but I'm not sure who:

"Do not waste time bothering whether you "love" your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone you will presently come to love him."

The Place I Always Come Back To

2010-08-13T15:52:00.000-07:00

I swing high, I swing low. But I always come back to you.
I get down, and I get up. But I always come back to You.
I am insecure. I am proud. But I always come back to you.

Noone can hold my heart the way that YOU do, O Lord!

2010-08-10T05:13:00.000-07:00

I Peter 1:3-9

Praise be to the God and Father of our LORD Jesus Christ!
In his GREAT mercy he has given us NEW birth into a LIVING hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can NEVER perish, spoil or fade--kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious JOY, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Persevere

2010-08-09T08:47:00.000-07:00

And Another ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBmxTuet0dQ

Future Glory
Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Perseverance Developed
James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Romans 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our LORD.

I Corinthians 2:9 However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"

Blessings

2010-08-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

Hear my new song at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi2xo-2IfK4
The quality of the recording really isn't all that great, especially at the chorus. So I apologize, but it at least gives you an idea of how it goes... Here are the words.

Bless those who hate me
All who frustrate me
May they face the power of your love!

Bless those who hurt me
All who desert me
May they be warmed by your embrace.

Bless those who wound me with a thousand words
And may each of those injuries, be turned

Into praise to you
Into love for you
And may all I seek and all I do
Bring glory to your name.
Bring me joy in pain.

Bless those who don’t reward me
All who ignore me
May fall into an encounter with you!

Bless those who only take from me
All those who are fake with me
May they come to know the reality of you!

Bless those who push me in a thousand ways
And may I have an increase of grace

To keep praising you
To Keep loving you
And may all I seek and do
Bring glory to your name.
Bring me joy in pain.

And when inside I’m bleeding
Help me to forgive
and not to let their seething
Change the way I live

And when I am surrounded
Help me have your eyes
And when I hear them shouting,
Help me hear their cries

A Prayer from the Heart

2010-08-08T16:03:00.000-07:00

Lord, may she find your joy in the good times and the bad. May she find your peace in the calm and in the chaos. May her burdens be as light as the snow and also as fleeting. May she find laughter in every circumstance. May she release her pain through tears, and remember it no more. May she find healing, strength, and restoration. May her worries be far from her, and may her heart be filled with hope. May her hurts be melted away by the grace you so bountifully supply. Intervene, O Lord, on her behalf. Draw near to her, for she longs to draw near to you. Amen and Amen. May it be so for her, and for me as well.

A Bridesmaid's eye view...

2010-08-08T05:53:00.001-07:00

The wedding march is playing, and I watch, from the front of the church, as my sister walks down the aisle with my dad towards her groom. I notice my mom holding back tears in the front of the church, and as I glance over at my sister Joanna, I notice tears welling up in her eyes as well. She notices mine at the same moment, and we both let out a choked laugh.

Rachel is beaming. A huge smile on her face.

After the Pastor asks "who gives this woman", my dad chokes out brokenly, "her mother and I do".

During the first song, I glance over at Matthew, the groom, and see his smile welling up with tears, making mine even more difficult to hold back.

Although, I've been a part of weddings before, never have I been a part of the family. I gained a brother yesterday!

Weddings are chaotic. A lot of work. Stressful. A whole lot of time, energy, and money packed into a short day. But, at the end of it, I walk away with this - It was beautiful. My sister was beautiful.

2010-08-07T07:45:00.001-07:00

"Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!" (James 2:12-13)

No time for regrets.

2010-08-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

At many times in my life, I have regretfully faced mistakes. I've looked at the past and wished I'd done this or that differently. Made wiser choices here or there and wondered how my life might have been different if I had done it right before...

This summer, I faced a decision that had me scared of making a mistake. When I talked about it with my dad, he reminded me that I was going to make a mistake no matter what path I took. He said, you can't be afraid of making a mistake. You are undoubtedly going to make them.

Now my heart aches, and as I look back, I realize, I don't have time to live in regret. The truth is, I did my best and moved. The important part is pressing on. You can't always look at the past and wonder if you should have done something differently.

You can't wonder. You just have to keep walking, listening for God's voice, believing that He is leading you. Even when its pretty foggy... And I've been facing the fog for awhile now. But one thing I do, I forget the past and I press on.

No more time for regrets. I will persevere.

Little Rocks in my Heart

2010-08-01T18:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life is just plain painful. We are often caught in the cycle of hurting and hurting people... And at times, there is nothing that can be done about it. You just have to struggle with the pain that stabs into your heart and cuts away at what we hold dear. To see loved ones in pain and to helplessly watch, cuts away at me and reminds me of my own pain that others are unable to mend. Why there are things in life that have the power to cut so deeply is beyond me.

I used to feel anger when I hurt. Anger is stronger and less vulnerable, but lately... I am feeling nothing more than plain pain. I cannot be angry with God. I cannot be angry with others. I can't even be angry with myself. It's just that I hurt. God knows I hurt... And I'm so thankful to Him. Because He draws near to the broken hearted...and I need him near me.

I guess now is the time in life to accept the pain, to lift my head and persevere... And at the core of me, remember that all of this, is just temporary. God is at work within me, and although I do not understand everything that happens in my (or others') life, I know that I am loved by a God who will never leave me or forsake me. I am loved by a God who is rich in mercy. I am loved by a God who is able to do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine. I am loved by a God whose mercies are new every morning. I am loved by a God who gave His only son in order that I might have life. I am loved. Not because I deserve it, but just because.

2010-07-30T15:13:00.000-07:00

A complete stranger has no power to hurt me the way that a loved one does... that's why it's important for me to remember that my war is not against flesh and blood... Sometimes Satan uses those closest to me to tempt me and to crush me, probably because they have the most influence over me...

All that to say, I want to remember that at the end of the day, I'm the one who decides my reaction. I can choose to be angry and hurt when unkind words or insensitive actions confront me, or I can choose to forgive and give grace.

I think I'm still grappling with this God of mine...who has GREAT love, and who is RICH in mercy! Who saved me by GRACE (Eph 2:4-5)! Who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine (Eph 3:20)!!! WHAT???? Now that's amazing... Think on that for a moment...

Growing pains

2010-07-29T05:40:00.000-07:00

are painful... There's something more though. I think I'm gonna start letting joy ease the pain of growth, because, Why shouldn't I be overjoyed when I face trials of various kinds? Because I know that the testing of my faith develops perseverance... Honestly, I'm a perseverer in process... In fact, I am persevering right now! And seriously, Perseverance must finish its work so that I can be mature and complete, not lacking anything... But if I do lack wisdom (which I do), I can ask god, and he WILL give generously without finding fault... Wow. I'm blessed. I may have pain, but I also have joy. I may have trials, but I also have perseverance. I may have lack, but God's giving me widsom! To HIM be the glory! (James 1:2-5)

It's Late, and I'm here...

2010-07-28T20:47:00.000-07:00

Blessed, and saved by grace-Praise God.

2010-07-25T05:47:00.001-07:00

Today I turn 26 and I'm looking forward into the unknown. Not lost, yet searching. My heart has found once again this familiar dull ache. To pinpoint its sole cause would be impossible.

Lord, all I do know is that I want to start again today. May this be the new start to new life. May I find joy in you.

Just writing

2010-07-24T18:54:00.001-07:00

I've always loved to write, and once upon a time, I dreampt of writing being my career. The truth is, while I've had an occasional successful written work, many of my works have lacked something. Even when I look back in my journal I wonder at a missing element.

So often, even in my journal, I've written with a reader in mind. And in reality, that has always hindered me from writing with complete "realness". Whatever that means. In truth, I am only just trying to figure this out for myself.

On the other hand, I have often turned to the Lord in my writings, and it is very difficult for me to write something with complete hopelessness (although I cannot deny having a few hopeless journal entries or poems). Can I blame it on my upbringing? Can I credit my faith? Does it matter?

On one hand, I think it is a valuable thing to turn my emotions and my attentions to the Lord. To remind myself what his word says. On the other hand, does God want me to say just what I believe to be the "right" thing. Or is it something deeper he wants from me. I guess I believe there is something more. I want it to be more than me writing God is good. But me living a life that proclaims it through my faith. Through my joy. Through my peace.

I am a passionate person and have many times excitedly jumped from point to point. But I heard this story on the radio the other day about 2 lumberjacks. Both had a mission to cut down some trees. The first lumberjack quickly jumped up to begin his job. He excitedly chopped at one tree, but then unsure of which tree to do first, went from tree to tree to tree to tree chopping a bit of bark off of each one without ever really making much of a dent. In addition, he didn't have the right tools, and so was chopping at the trees with his swiss army knife. The second lumberjack waited. He thought through the best way to proceed. Equipped himself with the right tools and when the time was right, picked a tree and chopped at it steadily until it tumbled.

I want to be the one who moves wisely and equips myself with the right tools. If I think I'm supposed to be using my musical skills more, rather than run off to Nashville, I need to start singing here where I'm at. Instead of attempting to write a 300 page book, I need to let God work in my small entries. WHATEVER it is... It starts here. In addition, I need to equip myself with the word of God. How can I believe in healing, if I don't know God's word concerning it? How can I believe in anything for that matter, if I don't try to find out what God might say about it?

Sigh. I really don't know. All I know is that my heart is hungry for more. Do you hear me!? God I want more! but not just more. And not just for me. I want to really hear you this time. I want to really seek you and I want to really be changed by you. (though you have constantly been changing me through my life, I hope you never stop!)...

I don't even know where I'm at, but I'm somewhere....

2010-07-24T06:14:00.001-07:00

The pain of today is but for a moment,
but the joy of the Lord will last forever
This chip upon my shoulder may leave a dent
but still, I will endeavor.

My passion for the Lord is in a constant shift
Sincerity is tested through a life laced with sorrow
Who I was yesterday will surely find a lift
And who I am today is a stranger to tomorrow.

My heart has been unstable, unsure in all its ways
Trying to find reason for all I couldn't understand
But again I choose surrender-an offering of praise
Today I am renewed. Reminded my life is in God's Hand.

I can not see the future, though I try to plan my course
But each day has unexpected twists and turns
I don't want to be so determined I go down a path I force
Humbly, I stop here to realign. Face lessons learned.

---------------------------------

He's not finished with me yet...

2010-07-19T15:38:00.000-07:00

A quote from Beth Moore's book, So Long Insecurity: You've been a bad friend to us.

"As I live and breathe, I am not the woman I used to be, but the fact is, I started this journey because I wasn't yet the woman that I wanted to be. Somehow I don't picture her [the woman i want to be] sitting around fixating on all the delicacies of her inadequacies like I too often have. Surely she feels too good about God to wonder why she doesn't feel better about herself. I have a suspicion she's never going to be as perfect as I picture, but the woman I want to become is still a long shot from the one [who began this journey]. That's why I thought I'd better get on with it. God was right to bring me here..."

It could be me speaking. I'm tired of going up and down, and quite frankly, when I'm low, I struggle to press on and not be a quitter. But as a good friend reminded me, I am strong. Though I don't always keep control of my emotions, its not hiding my emotion that makes me strong, but my actions. I choose to press on. If I get up, I might fall back down again, but I'm gonna get up anyway (thanks superchick for such great lyrics). I have struggled and triumphed, struggled and triumphed, struggled and triumphed. So now, in my struggle, it is time to remind myself that I will triumph. I am humbled, yet again, by my imperfections, but I am awed, once again, by God's mercies, which are new every morning.

So listen up Soul. I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. I will never be put to shame, because I hope in the Lord. He is the solid rock on which I stand.

Although I'm tired of this rollercoaster, there's no point in getting off at the low
point, even though that's when it seems easiest... I chose to stay on this crazy ride and look upward... that's where this ride is taking me next... Maybe next time I see this bend coming, I'll remember to flip the switch to route myself down a different track.

I want to Love more...

2010-06-23T05:42:00.000-07:00

http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/A%20Word%20with%20You/11633720/

I read the devotional at the above link this morning. It's about sharing your faith and "bringing" your loved ones with you to heaven... It hit me how much I want God's love to increase in me. How will the people around me know if I don't tell them? And How will I tell them if I don't even care? Now, if you know me, you know that I really do care about the people around me...but the truth is, I have a wall up and I keep people at a distance at times.

Lord, I pray that you would help me to continue to learn to be more real. Help me to love more. To reach out more. I know its not my job to "get people saved". I know You, Lord, will do that work in people. But I pray that I would be willing to be your hands and feet and even your mouth when you want to speak. Teach me to be obedient.

I want to be secure in Christ so that i can love others...

Heaviness is not my enemy...

2010-06-22T05:54:00.001-07:00

I bear this load upon my back
Facing daily all I lack
At times I know, I've turned away
Too afraid to fight each day
But here I am, with all my pain
Determined daily to start again.

Heaviness is not my enemy.

I've fought to push this load aside
I've sought to make my plans abide
But now I see they've done no good
I'm tired of living like I "should".
I hope you don't misunderstand
I'm just tired of standing in sinking sand
And the more I fight to control my life
The more I sink and encounter strife.

Heaviness is not my enemy.

This load in my heart. The heaviness I feel.
I gladly accept it...

Now i know my rhyme is deteriating.
It's ok.
I'm just not sure how else to convey...
Heaviness is not my enemy...

The Heart of the Matter...

2010-06-21T05:05:00.001-07:00

It's so easy to get focused on external things. My hair, my body, my smell, my relationships, my job, my status, my volunteering, my "life"... But I am reminded today that God looks at my heart. Through all of the things I do. Through all the things I see. Through every word I say... What's in my heart?

It only takes a day to forget that I am a new creation in Christ. A day at a time. Because it is a slow fade...It sneaks up on me. But if I forget everything else and get to the heart of the matter, I am reminded that the thing that matters is not my hair. It's not my body. It's not my smell, relationships, job, status, community involvement or any other thing that matters. It's my heart.

2 Cor 13:5 Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you--unless, of course, you fail the test?

I want to daily remind myself who I am at the very core of my being. God help me live a life of love, driven by my love for you! Help me push aside temptations that follow me. Thank you Lord for your grace!

Psalm 139

1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. 2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. 5 You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. 7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. ...

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I Love you Lord. That is what matters. At the core of me, I want to do right because I love you.

If you could see what I see...

2010-06-11T16:24:00.000-07:00

The music is playing
a Love song to God-
I close my eyes.

Suddenly-
I stand on a hill
with sunrise and sunset occurring simultaneously with
Flashes of color before my eyes.

Stars shoot around me
Flowers spring up from the ground.
The earth plays a drum beat
and I dance.

Its amazing how breathe-taking You are!!

Waves crash against mountains
and all creatures of the earth
move with the rhythm.

It is impossible to convey the beauty.
Oh the splendor. The Majesty.
I worship God. The One and Only.

I'm lost in the beauty of You!

I think I know heaven...
You have given me a glimpse.
It's indescribable.

-------------
Jeremiah 31:13 NIV
Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

What is worship??

2010-06-06T10:04:00.000-07:00

According to Beth Moore, "In its most basic essence, worship is simple focus".

Focus

2010-05-18T18:08:00.000-07:00

Focus.
Fix your heart on God.
Hope.

Focus.
Fix your eyes ahead.
Press on.

Focus.
Fix your eyes above.
Move on.

Focus.
Fix your eyes on the unseen.
Believe.

Focus.
Fix your heart on God.
Rest.
---------------
Lord... Lord.

I'M STILL YOURS

2010-05-18T18:02:00.000-07:00

If You washed away my vanity
If You took away my words
If all my world was swept away
Would You be enough for me?
Would my beating heart still sing?

If I lost it all
Would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives and takes away

If You take it all
This life You've given
Still my heart will sing to You

When my life is not what I expected
The plans I made have failed
When there's nothing left to steal me away
Will You be enough for me?
Will my broken heart still sing?

If I lost it all
Would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives
And takes away

If You take it all
This life You've given
Still my heart
Will sing to You

Even if You take it all away
You’ll never let me go
Take it all away
But I still know

That I'm Yours
I'm still Yours

Oh, I'm Yours
I'm still Yours
I'm still Yours

"I'm Still Yours" Kutless-It is Well CD

Yet I Will Praise Him

2010-05-15T17:50:00.000-07:00

I will praise you, Lord my God-
Even in the my brokenness, I will praise you Lord.
I will praise you, Lord my God-
Even in my desperation, I will praise you Lord.

And I can't understand all that you allow.
I just can't see the reason.
But my life is in your hands and though I cannot see you-
I choose to trust you.

Even when my heart is torn-
I will praise you Lord.
Even when I feel deserted-
I will praise you Lord.
Even in the darkest valley-
I will praise you Lord.
And when my world is shattered
and it seems all hope is gone...
Yet I will praise you Lord.

I will trust you, Lord my God-
Even in my loneliness, I will trust you Lord.
I will trust you, Lord my God-
Even when I cannot hear you, I will trust you Lord.
And I will not forget that you hung on a cross.
Lord, You bled and died for me.
And if I have to suffer, I know that you've been there
and I know that you're here now.

Even when my heart is torn-
I will trust you Lord.
Even when I feel deserted-
I will trust you Lord.
Even in the darkest valley-
I will trust you Lord.
And when my world is shattered
and it seems all hope is gone...
Yet I will praise you Lord.

"Yet I will Praise Him" sung by Melissa Boraski, Vineyard Music (Believe)

Psalm 42 Self Talk-Sarah Edition

2010-05-12T16:23:00.000-07:00

"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my Soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, the living God. WHEN can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night" while lies and doubt "say to me all day long, 'Where is your God?'" perhaps he has forgotten you. "These things I remember as I pour out my soul:"
-How I used to spend hours with God, dancing and laughing "with shouts of joy and thanksgiving. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
God, "My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you". How you have blessed and protected me throughout my life. How you brought friendships that have molded and encouraged me. How you defeated the lies in my mind and freed me from fear's stronghold. How you filled me with overflowing laughter. How you have spoken to me in times of desperation, and provided for my needs. "Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, 'Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" My heart suffers mortal agony. "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I" Sarah "will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."

Even now, you are moving in my life and creating a whole new revelation of who you are, and why I exist. Be Glorified in me.

(parts in quotes are actual scripture, while unquoted parts are my personal touch)

Remember...

2010-05-11T17:36:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you just need to remember that God is good, Faithful, and LOVE. Especially Love...

No matter what you feel... Remember...Believe...Hang on...

2010-05-05T08:24:00.001-07:00

The old and new are at odds within me
My heart is a war zone.
Past things call out to me
But still I press on...

No understanding could grip comprehension
No clarity could clear the storm.
Only blindly following this voice I know.
Only relying on the hope that forms...

My heart mourns.
My spirit cries.
Yet joy still fills me,
when I turn my eyes
To my God on High.

With groans and aches within me
Life is pushing through
A seed that once was planted
Is coming into bloom...

I hope in You...
I hope in You...

2010-05-03T15:02:00.001-07:00

A contrite spirit, the Lord will hear.
To a broken heart, the Lord draws near.

Brokenness the Lord will mend.
It is with Him, all lies contend.

Insecurity will be replaced
Past mistakes will be erased.

A thankful heart, delights the Lord.
Negativity, I can't afford.

So I will praise and raise my hands
Despite the things I can't understand.

93 years old and still building forts...

2010-05-02T10:41:00.000-07:00

If you've ever played the game Quelf, you know what random is. Now imagine playing that game with your parents and your 93 year old grandma... I've always wished that I had gotten to know my grandma better, but in just a few hours yesterday, my awe of her grew immensely.

When I first arrived in MN, my dad, sister and grandma were looking at a video of WWII prisoners being released. I got to see one of the camps my grandma had been in! And not only that, but she was there the day the video was shot! I was able to hear her account of how they brought food...and the bread... she said they hadn't seen bread in a very long time!

Then later last night, we played Quelf. She was a great sport about it and on her turn when the card said to go build a fort with couch cushions and stay there until your next turn, she went and did it without saying a word. How amazing is my grandma?

Then this morning, I told her I'd move my car so she didn't have to squish in between the bushes and car to get in, but she didn't wait for me, she just shimmied her way in between those bushes and got in the car.

Then, during the meet and greet part of church - the part, I have always shied away from- she got up and went to shake hands with people. So I did too. She's inspiring I tell you. Inspiring.

She is my new hero and I thank God for this new insight into the rich heritage I have-and not only that. But the amazing, spunky, and incredible Grandma I have...

Submission thoughts...

2010-04-30T05:20:00.000-07:00

I had this thought this morning... Submission probably would be a lot easier if I had trust... As I focus on trusting God more, I believe it will become easier to submit to him and his plans.

But even now, as I struggle with trust, I still can make a choice. And I choose Him and submission to Him.

Another Day of Being New...and More

2010-04-29T18:35:00.000-07:00

So today was another day to be new. One thing I'm learning, again, is that life is tough. I say this with a smile because my God- He never leaves my side. Even when I don't feel it, I know he is here and I look towards Him with hope!

When I got home from work today I determined I would get my lawn mowed. So, I went and filled my little gas can up at the gas station, then I got my new lawn mower out-ready to tackle it. I filled the gas, got the oil in, screwed the screws and set out to mow. But... Something was wrong. The thing would not start, not even close to start... Luckily my neighbor saw me and I must've looked pretty clueless, because he came over when I had barely begun and asked if I needed help. I hadn't reached frustration point yet, but I gladly accepted his help. And that's about when we figured out I had not pulled the handle out and it was blocking the blades... Oh instructions. How I wish I read them... Anyway, he gets the thing going and walks away. So, I started mowing and noticed how short the grass was and so stopped the mower to adjust the blade. Of course, when i went back, I couldn't get the thing to start again. Had to go ask my other neighbor for help. But even after she left, the thing kept dying. And after a few stomps of my feet and mental pep talks about how I'm new and don't need to get down about this, another neighbor came and helped me out. This time we figured out the real problem and I was able to mow the rest of my lawn with little incident. I'm proud to say my lawn looks ten times more fantastic as of now.

I must also give God some glory and thanks for blessing me with great neighbors. One of my neighbors came over a little later and helped get rid of all the little helicopter seeds that fell from my maple. She worked on it for an hour at least, I'd say. Wow. God is taking care of me.

One thing I am trying to come to terms with is how easy it is to rely on people. And I want to turn to people. And it's not that that is all bad, but I believe that God doesn't want me to forget that ultimately it is HIM providing for me. I guess I will keep struggling with turning my gaze back onto him, because frankly... Life looks so beautiful when He's in sight...

I struggle very much with hope, and trust. But praise be to God. He made me new. And as I renew my mind in His word and push into his presence, I believe it will come...

Thank you God. Thank you that you know the plans for me. Thank you that you never give up on me. And thank you for Marty, Bill, and the other neighbor whose name I can't recall....

New Birth into a Living Hope

2010-04-28T04:58:00.000-07:00

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a LIVING HOPE through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade-kept in heaven for YOU, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

In this, you greatly rejoice, though now, for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith-the salvation of your souls.

...

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be Holy, because I am holy".

(I Peter 1:3-9, 13-15)

Never Forsaken

2010-04-27T15:56:00.000-07:00

God, You and You alone have never left me nor forsaken me. It is no wonder then, that my heart is always drawn towards you. I can't thank you enough for Your love... and the way you teach me and change me... You never give up on me. You never ever stop refining me.

Thank you for giving me another chance to draw closer to you. Thank you that I'm not bound by yesterday. I'm not bound by heartbreak, by mistakes, by failures or by anything. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. And even when I feel like crumbling and hiding, I will lift my hands and praise You. For You oh God are the maker of heaven and earth, yet, you have not forgotten me.

I have lived my life, and I've definitely made mistakes, but I will keep on living and will proclaim your praise, for you have made all things New. You have cast my sins as far as the east is from the west. You have taken my shame. You have crowned me with your annointing and have kept my feet from straying too far. My cup overflows.

When I feel empty and dry, I will praise you, for you Oh God have rescued me from the pit of despair. You will turn my mourning into dancing and my sadness into laughter.

Hey. I don't know what the future holds and that is freaky, but the new Sarah. She's gonna do her best to sit back and enjoy the ride. She doesn't have to be in control. She doesn't have to know tomorrow. All she has to do is die. Everyday, let her old self go and remember. She is- I am new.

What does this mean? Well. I guess I'll find out. All I know is that my God is good. And if I have to keep saying it and saying it and saying... I will. Until I believe it with EVERYTHING in me. And if I have to keep losing, and losing and losing, until it is God first, second third fourth... Then God help me. I will.

Of course, when I'm in the process of losing something, I fight. I hang on. I tighten my grib because I don't want God to take what I believe he has given me. But what is trust anyway? My heart's cry is to trust in my God. I want to be someone who people see and KNOW. There's something different.

I can't go back and change past mistakes. I can't even look back and hang onto that shame and guilt. No. I must press on and forget the past and look forward towards what my Father has for me. I am not my own. And the sooner I learn that, the happier I will be.

Lord, You see. You know. I know I didn't need to write this here for You to hear it. I wrote it here as a proclamation. My life is a testimony of your grace. And may your grace be known and Your name glorified.

May I decrease and you increase. If I must lose the "self" I knew in order to draw closer to you, then so be it.

And when I get down... I'm gonna get up again. I'm gonna stand. Not because of my own strength. If I had to rely on that, I surely would not make it, but Your strength is made perfect in my weakness. So, now, I am stronger than before, for I am weak.

God, Teach me what it means to be the new creation that you have designed me to be...
Amen, amen and amen! God be with me, and God be with you...

2010-04-04T06:28:00.000-07:00

Most people have that thing... The thing they love, they seek out...

I mean, we all need food, so we usually seek it out at some point, but some LOVE food. They devote their time to finding out about food. They practice different ways to make it better. They spend time looking at cook books, using different spices, exploring grocery stores. They work to perfect a recipe... And then, usually, they also share that food with others. As they try new meals out they let others enjoy them. They work hard to cook, but it doesn't seem hard to them. Because they love it.

Some love sports. They force their body into submission as they work out to improve their skills in their chosen sport. They practice day after day. They devote themselves to improvement. The run harder, they do more weights, they try new skills to improve their game... They wake up early or they stay up late. They sacrifice other venues of entertainment because of their devotion to their passion. It's a lot of work, but the end result motivates them to press on.

Some love music. They go through hours of voice lessons, guitar lessons, piano lessons, and whatever other kind of lessons. They practice hours during the week. They play the basic boring pieces to attain the skills they need to advance. They suffer through frustrations of missed notes and possible stage humiliation... Why? Because they love it. It may be hard, but it is worth it to them.

The sad thing is, some people love things, but they never learn to push themselves towards it. They tell themselves they can't do it, or they are too scared to try. Me? I love so many things, but nothing more than Jesus. Sometimes, I cut my legs out from beneath myself. I look at my failures instead of my victories. But if I can close my eyes for a second and share this thing in my heart. My heart burns for Jesus. I want to devote myself to him. I want to push myself towards him. I want to study his ways and exercise my spirit. I want to devote myself completely to Him. And though it may result in sacrifices and difficulties in other areas, I KNOW the end result with Him would be worth it.

Hm. And when any of those people meet someone who has the same passion, a joy sparks in them, because they are able to share the thing they love with someone else...I love crying out Jesus' name, and even more so when I hear the echo of my brother or sister in Christ. Jesus. Jesus! Jesus. Jesus!

My soul cries out for the living God. It cries out! Even when I distance myself from him, I am like a smoker who craves for his smoke or an addict who craves his drugs. Only for Jesus... I CRAVE Jesus. The difference is, I don't want to break my addiction, but rather, feed it. I want to become more addicted. I want to become consumed by Him.

Look, words are easy. I know. I'm just telling you what's in my heart. The truth is. There are a million things in this world that pull me away. And a million things within myself that pull me away.

That's why I love being in God's presence. It is at those moments that I feel more pulled towards Him. And when with my family in Christ, I feel more pulled towards him too. I guess that is why He tells us to not give up gathering together... Anyway, this Easter Sunday, I want to open my heart up to God. I want to be made empty so He can fill me. I want to love Him. Because He loved me...

2010-03-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

With Everything my hearts been through
Still today, I can say its true
There is nothing You can't do
And I am always drawn to You.

You bless the road before me
And you gently take my hand
You send your Holy Spirit
To help me through what I don't understand

You always send a whisper
That gently lifts my eyes
You burn away my sinful nature
and all that You despise.

And in its place - Pure Gold
Begins to coat my soul
I am filled with joy
as you work to make me whole.

Thank you God. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for guiding me. Thank you for never leaving or forsaking. Thank you. I Love you more than anything. I Love you more than anything. I Love you more... I'll Love you more...

2010-03-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

I know what I feel...I know I could write all my woes, but instead. I want to write about God's faithfulness. I want to remember the numerous times that He has taken care of me. The times he has set my feet to dancing, the times He has filled my mouth with laughter and my face has shown with joy. I want to tell you... He is SO good. Because I know its true, and I need to say so. I want to remember verses like Isaiah 43:25 and 46:3,4 and Ps 27:1-3, Josh 1:9... I want to recall that God's ways are higher than mine and that the JOY of the Lord is my strength...and so when I am weak, I am Very Strong indeed. I want to remember that poem I wrote once, that made little sense to my readers...but made every bit of sense to me... Spinning, dancing, singing... I close my eyes and I see myself. So much in Love with my Maker that I open my arms up wide and I praise Him. Praise Him Praise Him Praise Him. All ye saints, Adore Him... How great and majestic is HE!? I can't even grasp how deep and wide and long and high his love is for me... How incredible... And He is steadfast and true...

That is my God. So, no matter what I feel. I remember that it doesn't really matter. what matters is the truth that He will deliver. And He will turn my mourning into dancing again...

Oh Praise Him Praise Him Praise Him............................

Sunny Day and a Heavy Rain

2010-03-09T18:37:00.000-08:00

A Heavy Rain came pouring down
One joyful Sunny Day.
The Heaven's gates were opened wide
That morning when I prayed.

It's 8 am and I slept in.

2010-03-07T06:01:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here in my bed at 8 am, Sunday morning. I slept 3 hours past my normal get up time and it is amazing how refreshing it is... Outside the birds are singing, and the sun is streaming in my window, and the silence offers me an opportunity to reflect. I remember why I love the mornings so much. I love the sun rising on a new day presenting new opportunities. I love the birds singing in celebration of God's creation. I love the fresh start each day offers.

Today my mind is overflowing with thoughts and prayers... both are things I don't have much time for. And my heart is beating with anticipation of what might be before me. Each day I am presented with choices, but sometimes, I am just too tired and would rather make no choices at all.

And now a random poem...
-----------------------------------------
The Tree

A tree rose up in the middle of the field.
A bull ran to it, demanding it to yield.
The tree, roots deep, stood up tall.
The bull-Determined to make it fall.

Each day that bull would butt its head.
It stabbed that tree to make it dead.
But still that tree sprouted leaves
and cheerfully waved with every breeze.

Months went by, and then a year.
The bull-Shocked, the tree, still here.
The tree-Scarred, Continued on.
And then one day-the bull was gone.

Time went by, and then an ax
Came chopping up each tree he passed.
But when he came to the scarred up tree,
He decided to leave it be.
----------------------------------------

The meaning of the poem...
Sometimes I just randomly write poetry and it may not have any intentional meaning. This could perhaps have been one of those poems, except I really do feel a deeper meaning. I imagine the tree as the Christian, and the bull as the enemy. The enemy (Satan), is determined to wound us and stab us-with the intention of killing, stealing and destroying us. But we have an advantage- We have roots that go deep into our foundation-Jesus Christ. And despite the wounds we receive, we can stand tall and still produce fruit in our lives ('sprouted leaves'). Satan can wound us but we don't have to give him our joy ('cheerfully waved'). And eventually, if we are steadfast ('the tree, still here'), we will have victory over our enemy and he will move on because he has been defeated ('then one day-the bull was gone').

And on top of all that... Usually we can't see how God uses the trials of yesterday to prepare us for victory today...

On a side note...God allows trials, but though He wounds me, I will trust him. I will stand. I will cheerfully dance. Scarred, battered and bruised. Still I will press on and praise him.

Job 5:18 - "For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal."

Hosea 6:1 - "Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds"

He never fails. His love endures forever. His faithfulness is more than enough. He hears my cry. He comes to my rescue. He's by my side. When I fail, He still loves me. I know I know I know!! He is faithful, He is strong. Through the falling and through the storm, I will put my whole trust in Him- Never Failing, Faithful God. (Excerpt from "Ever Faithful" by Brad & Rebekah)

Good Lyrics

2010-02-24T16:36:00.000-08:00

So, man, if you listen, really listen to some of the songs out there you may find yourself being jolted and maybe someday... Changed... So many songs give a call to action and I feel my heart burning inside to chase after the kingdom goals... But here's a good lyric I heard today...

"How can I further your kingdom when I'm so wrapped up in mine?"

If that isn't eye opening... I don't know what is. Now movement... Heart move... Feet move... Spirit move...

Humility

2010-01-22T18:12:00.000-08:00

Humility is a painful process. And I am humbled before God and man... lately, it seems daily...

2010-01-14T18:05:00.001-08:00

How absolutely reassuring to know that no matter what I do... God is still in control!

2010-01-10T13:05:00.001-08:00

God works in mysterious ways... :) I love Him!!

2010-01-08T22:20:00.000-08:00

It's hard enough to trust someone in the first place, but to overcome the pain of betrayed trust...and then somehow trust again!? Only God can help you do that...

The Lord Knows...

2010-01-05T17:26:00.000-08:00

my heart ain't made of stone.
I may put a bold face on,
but inside I'm breakin down.

The Lord knows,
I'm really not that tough.
I may give it all I've got,
but my efforts ain't enough.

The Lord knows,
my strength ain't found in me.
I only stand because of grace
and because of grace I see -

The Lord Knows...

New Years Resolutions

2010-01-01T08:35:00.000-08:00

To learn what life truly is and live!!
To give up control!
To express my faith through love (Gal 5:6 & I Cor 13:4-7)!
To Love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and to Trust in Him!

...These kind of all tie together

2009-12-31T14:16:00.000-08:00

If its true that life is waiting for those who lose control, it must be right around the corner for me... Praise God! The God who gives life, and life abundantly! The God who looks upon our hearts... The God who has grace big enough to cover more than we imagine... The God who loves... The God who lives! Praise Him! For He is Sovereign... And ultimately He is in control... And I'm so glad! If I was in control of the direction of life, I'd never get anywhere but would go to and fro in frantic worry (and expectation) of making a mistake, but in Him and through Him, I am able to press on. Though I have to remind myself, I know I can trust in him...

Dear ...

2009-12-31T14:10:00.000-08:00

Control,
Why do you control me?
Control,
Why don’t you free me?

Control,
You acted as my friend.
But Control,
You put joy to an end.

Control,
Why do you taunt me?
Control,
I hate your hold on me.

Control,
Give me room to grow.
Control,
It’s time that I let go.

Control,
You were only a façade.
Control,
You’re not mine, you’re God’s.
------------------------------

Perfection,
You are imperfect.

Despite your performance,
You know the truth.
No matter how much you strive
There will always be more to do.

No matter how high you rise
You will never reach the top
And when that hits you
Guilt will make you drop.

So Perfection,
You must be released.
Or you will be destroyed
By your own disease.

Perfection,
Receive God’s Grace.
In the light of His love
Your imperfections fade.

Perfection,
It’s only by His hand that you can reach the top.
Perfection.
It’s time for you to stop.
---------------------------

Worry,
Why are you so afraid?
Worry,
Why do you doubt the Lord?

Worry,
Thinking and thinking does no good.
Worry,
Let it go – You did all you could.

Worry,
You seem sincere,
But Worry,
Let me make this clear…

In Jesus name,
I command you leave.
With you, there’s no room
For me to breathe.

Worry,
I’m tired of hearing you fuss.
Worry,
Meet your replacement, Trust.
----------------------------

Trust,
You are so difficult to hold.
But Trust,
Without you, I’m so cold.

Trust,
In your arms I can rest.
Trust,
I know your way is best.

Trust,
You dispel all fear.
Trust,
You remind me God is here.

Trust,
Would you fill my heart?
Trust,
I need you in every part!

Trust,
You are the sweetest thing.
Trust,
You make me sing.

Digging Deep

2009-12-29T18:00:00.000-08:00

I close my eyes to see inside myself -
to find out what I'm made of...

Beneath my skin is rotting flesh
my hands are dripping with blood
my bones are all broken
my throat-choking on regretted words spoken
My ears hear a condemning whisper
My tongue swells in my mouth
My mind scrambles for conclusions
My lungs are gasping for a single breath
My heart is aching for a single touch
My stomach is craving deeper satisfaction
My spirit is pained by life's defection.
My knees are bruised
My shins are splintered

But my feet-
They are covered with steel.
And stubbornly they carry me back to the cross
Where I find the God who heals.
The God who listens to how I feel
Then points me back to what is real...

I open my eyes and
come face to face with His love.

2009-12-28T18:38:00.001-08:00

Only You know Lord... Only You know...

2009-12-27T14:25:00.000-08:00

To this I cling -
That He who began the good thing
will not fail to complete it.

In Him I hope -
Trusting in His Sovereignty, I cope
and press through the pit.

White Christmas...

2009-12-25T14:40:00.001-08:00

Though Christmas this year was much different than in the past, it has been nice! And God blessed me with a wonderfully white Christmas and a whole lot of snow! Here are some pics of my short visit to MN...

Dad and I in the snow...

My mom's daycare kid, Paige, made a special visit to our house on Christmas Eve just so she could play with me! That was such a blessing! She was very cuddly and kept me busy playing doctor, making pretend TV shows, and playing dress-up. You'll like my outfit... Haha...

And some fun moments from the other night with the extended family...

This one, we had my cousins Megan and Nikki stand in for Joanna and Rachel since they couldn't be there :(

The cousins + Megan's boyfriend. Love them all!!

A little pyramid... I'm the one adult with the kids, but what can I say? I'm fun like that...and its nothing new =)

Well, that's the summary... Peace out! Merry Christmas one and all!

Surprising Tears

2009-12-25T11:49:00.000-08:00

I tend to hold back tears and try to be strong, but any strength I display is a facade. Inside I am mush! Yes, I have strength because the Lord is my foundation...and when I am weak, I am strong...

My mom got Steven Curtis Chapman's CD that was written after his daughter's death, and as I was reading his lyrics and what he wrote, I was just balling! I've never lost a daughter, but I can feel his pain. So I'm reading the lyrics aloud and my mom and I have tears streaming down our faces, and my dad is holding his in... Wow, my family is mush :)

You can truly see the depths of a person, when they are hurt and broken but they still turn to God. Steven Curtis Chapman clearly has a real relationship with God. You can sense his pain, but you can also sense his reaching out to God. In spite of his questions of pain, He declares God to be faithful and chooses to Trust Him.

I am challenged. How easy is it to turn from God and cry out to him in frustration at our life's circumstances? It is much more difficult to turn to him and praise Him and trust Him! But that's exactly what I hope I will never cease to do, no matter how difficult my life may become or what crosses I bare... or long it takes me... So long as at the end of the day, God still holds my heart!

The Dead Bolt --and I mean dead.

2009-12-22T17:44:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here, slowly cooling down from my rage of frustration over the deadbolt on my front door. Its been sitting there for a while waiting for a part in order to finish being changed after the first frustrating attempt. Finally, all necessary parts are here, including my dad, and the lock is ready for try #2.

Being Miss Independent, I don't ask my dad for help, but feel ready to try, knowing he's nearby. I quickly figured the lock out and began to put it all together, but for some reason it didn't work. And after rearranging and re-screwing that thing in every possible way, it still wouldn't work! Even with dad's help, it just wouldn't work! And while dad is staying calm, I am getting more and more frustrated that this seemingly "easy" project is resisting completion!

So two of my enemies - Perfection and Impatience are fighting against each other. Impatience is ready to hang perfection - just get that stupid thing together and call it quits. Perfection is demanding the front be straight...

I remember my recent decision to let perfectionism go, and the old decision to try and be more patient. It's not right that one project should test them both. :)

Anyway, this blog is inconclusive, but I wanted to applaud myself for making an attempt to let perfectionism go by getting up off this computer before coming to the conclusion and trying that lock again... Okay Patience, here I come... Perfectionism - see ya!

(Ps: In my recent research, it says that I need to applaud myself for little successes and not beat myself up for not meeting the ideal...thus the applause...)

Fear - the Antitrust Emotion

2009-12-20T18:13:00.000-08:00

Ever since I was little I remember fear... Fear has been a household guest. Invited on vacations, into school- even church. But in case you have never met it, let me tell you. It is a cruel and debilitating companion. In addition to that, it is deceptive. I never thought I was afraid of many things, because when my friends said they were afraid of the dark or of bad grades, etc etc etc - I couldn't relate. So I figured, I just didn't have fear. The truth is, I'm afraid of a lot of things. But the thing I am most of afraid of is making a mistake, ie: Imperfection.

I come from a family of believers. They believe in God, and the Bible - and therefore, believed in trusting God. Unfortunately, with fear keeping such close company with us, Trust didn't really get much attention. What ifs could squeeze in, and the oh nos... But Fear is anti-trust, and they never really meshed.

Although I'm sure I've seen this in myself in the past, I am being reminded again of the little faith I have. And trusting God, phew. What a challenge. Not because I don't think God is able to be and do all he says He is and will do... but because fear grips me. But if God really is who he professes to be... who I have Professed Him to be... Then... I shouldn't be afraid.

The anecdote to fear is trust. And to survive? Its a must.

My prayer once again is this... That God would help my unbelief, and that he would remind me who he is. And though I cannot trust myself and all of my emotions, I know I can trust in the one who knows me better than anyone else. God. Oh God. You see my heart and all of its aches and cravings. You see it. And You are taking care of me. Though I want to know all of the answers, I don't need to know them. All I need to know is that you are still God. And everything that goes with that... Sovereign, Loving, Compassionate, Just, Provider, Healer, Father, etc etc etc...

Thank you God! Thank you that in this journey of life, you are teaching me and drawing me closer to you day be day... Be with those I love and draw close to them too. Let us all know you more. And teach me God... Teach me your ways, that I may walk in them.

Teach me patience, kindness, gentleness... and everything else that is part of who you are - Love. And Thank you for the messengers of your love that you provide... Lord, I pray that I would be a messenger of your love too.

Mercy

2009-12-18T05:34:00.000-08:00

by Kristene Mueller

What shall I do with you, my love?
What shall I do with you?
For your loyalty to Me is like the morning clouds,
Like the dew that goes away so early.

What shall I do with you, my love?
You keep bringing Me sacrifices
To ease your mind,
But it's your heart that I want.

Hasn't it been a long road
With disappointments,
Chasing after lovers
That just throw you away?

And are you done fighting now?
All the love it takes to lighten you,
Shame was never meant to be your portion.

You keep bringing Me sacrifices
To ease your mind,
But it's your heart that I want.

Though these sins are red as scarlet,
I will wash them white in My mercy.
Though these sins are red as scarlet,
I will wash them white in My mercy.
Though these sins are red as scarlet,
I will wash them white in My mercy.

What shall I do with you, my love?
What shall I do with you?
You keep bringing Me sacrifices
To ease your mind,
But it's your heart that I want.
------------------------------------
Though I am trying to praise God in the storm, my heart is heavy. I am filled with my own self-condemnation and I stand before God ashamed. If I could just hide myself away, I would. But I know that hiding does nothing for me, and you never get anywhere when you cover your eyes and curl up in a ball. I am having a hard time remembering the truth right now, and God's voice has become a distant whisper in the wind. But what I do remember just enough to hang on. This song reminds me that God is NOT pointing his finger at me shouting...You selfish, proud, worthless failure. And though I may think those things on occasion, I know they aren't true either. I still his faint whisper reminding me that He loves me. Saying, just come to me beloved. I have fearfully and wonderfully made you. I don't want your sacrifices... I just want you.

I won't divulge everything that is going on inside of me, but I am writing this simply because I am trying to remember what I do know. And I want to thank my God for all that he is given me. It is too easy to see what He holds out of my reach, but I want to focus on all that He has given me. And He has given me sooooo much.

You know, in all my life, I've never had a more faithful friend. A more faithful provider. Everything good came from HIM. I don't know why it is such a struggle to trust him sometimes, because I know that I know that I know HE is worthy of my trust. I can trust Him. Will this struggle against my flesh and natural desires ever cease? Will I ever find release? The longer I live, the more I am sure of this. My struggle here on earth will not end until Christ comes and takes me home as His bride... and as my cousin reminded me. I can wake up every morning and rejoice! For I am one day closer to my wedding day.

Its so easy to get focused on my time here on earth. And there are a number of things I'd like to have while here on earth... but what really matters is forever. And I can't wait until my wedding day with my Lover Jesus... He will sweep me up into the clouds and take me home.

Until then, Oh God. I need your grace to make it another day... Life here can be so lonely, and its so easy to lose hope... But I will yet praise you my Savior and my God. I will put my hope in you. Renew my hope Father. Renew me. I feel so weak. I need your strength to feel this weak...

Life is waiting for those who lose control...

2009-12-13T16:04:00.001-08:00

(a line from Tenth Ave North)

Oh yeah... God really does love me!

2009-12-13T15:58:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have those moments that you forget that God really does love you? And I don't mean just any kind of love. His love is some kind of crazy, unconditional, never ending, unfailing, non-condemning, healing, etc etc etc kind of love. Well, I do, but its at those moments that he sends people into my path to remind me, in little ways, that he does love me. Thank you Lord for your love... And for divine appointments.

Costa Rican Breeze

2009-11-26T10:21:00.001-08:00

As I am sitting in the window of my sister Joanna's apartment in San Jose, Costa Rica with the clear blue sky and gentle breeze filtering through the window, blowing in my hair--I am filled with such peace. These are the moments that I cherish and wish I could hang onto forever. With the business of life, I don't take enough time to just sit and be. I don't take the time to just sit and remember that God is Sovereign. That He created the heaven's and the earth and everything in them. That He loves me. That is patient with me. That is so so good. I get so busy, that I forget... But today, I remember. Today I am reminded that God is in the breeze. He is in the still air. He is in the storm. He is in every day and every moment.

To the left is Biblioteca Cincel - the language school for missionaries. To the right are more very security conscious apartments. Everyone here is very security conscious and lock and double lock all doors on all occasions. They don't even leave doors unlocked for a quick step outside. Ahead, I see many other homes, but its crazy how different these homes look than homes in the States. Also, palm trees are decorating the streets. Every morning I wake up to the sound of a thousand birds singing and ca-cawing and children playing. Today, there was some man shouting on a megaphone.

In the mall, the Tico vendors place their items on blankets and shout at all the people passing by about their products. Somebody keeps on eye out and when they see the police, the millions of vendors sweep their products up and in 2 seconds are gone. One tico man who cannot talk plays a guitar and "sings" loudly to get money. I hear that he is quite famous. In the square, a million pigeons swarm and wander around. And the souvenir shop... what an experience and fun!

The roads are bumpy and curvy, and drivers don't care who's crossing the street... watch out! (as my sister and mom found out). When it comes to the road, you better hope you have a little aggressive in you. However, the people really are overall very friendly.

The scenery, especially outside of San Jose, is very beautiful and tropical. On the way to San Carlos, where we went to the Baldi Hot Springs and saw the volcano, we took an hour detour through some rural areas (yeah, we were lost). I loved it! If we hadn't we wouldn't have gotten to bump around the dirt roads and accidently find a beautiful garden area. Joanna got to ask a hundred people for directions and hear everybody's interpretation of where the volcano was. Haha. What an adventure!

The hot springs were incredible. It had a ton of waterfalls and different pools with different temperatures of water (all natural). The hotel we stayed at was very nice as well. And birds are everywhere. We saw some really bright blue birds.

Anyway... that's my recap as of now. Overall. God is good. And family, though stressful at times, is always a blessing. Though I hate it when I am reminded of my weaknesses, I am thankful for the opportunity to grow again. And I hope that I do...

Love you God, Sarah

Enticing God

2009-10-20T05:42:00.000-07:00

Oh Enticing God
Oh Rich Lover
Oh How you draw me
How you make my heart quiver.

Oh Amazing Love
Oh Generous Giver
Oh How you move me
And hold me forever.

Oh Enduring One
Oh Surprising Favor
Oh How you change me
And give me strength to endeavor.

Is it even possible?

2009-10-17T08:59:00.000-07:00

Is it even possible to grasp how wide and deep and high and great the Love of God is for us? Is our human minds and limited understanding capable of comprehending His love? And his faithfulness... A God who is faithful even when we are faithless? A God who never leaves or forsakes us... A God who loves us that much that he would never ever let us go? Is it even possible...?

After we repeatedly turn aside. Though we regularly deny his power. Though we are weak and fallen and broken. He says... I want you.

He wants me!! He wants you!! Though we bring him sacrifice after sacrifice to ease our guilty conscience, he just asks for our hearts... He wants our hearts. But in shame we hide our hearts away, in fear that he might see how truly ugly and dicrepid they are... Is it even possible to understand why a God who knows all and sees all... a God who knows the sad estate of our hearts...would still want our hearts? And yet, He does want all of our hearts. The good, the bad, the ugly because He sees Hope...

Where we see failure, He sees hope. Where we see tarnish, he sees gold. He looks past who we are and into who we can be. And in Him, nothing is impossible.

Oh, I pray that we might grasp it... That we may taste and see... That somehow, God would reveal just a glimpse of himself to us so that we might grab onto him in hope.

"Why are you downcast oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God. For I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." (Ps 42:11)

"For Great is the Lord, and most worthy of praise. He is to be feared above all gods. For all gods of the nations are idols, but the Lord made the heavens!" (Ps 96:4)

"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth! Worship him with gladness! Come before him with Joyful songs! Know that the Lord is God. It is He who made us, and WE ARE HIS. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise! Give thanks to Him and praise his name! For the Lord is Good! and His love endures forever. His faithfulness continues through all generations!!" (Ps 100)

Even on those days...

2009-10-07T05:41:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had those days where you just want to stay in bed, pull the blanket over your head and disappear. Maybe have your good and loving mother around to take your temp and stroke your hair. Make you some chicken noodle soup and love you even when you croak out some pathetic attempt at speech. Wow for a minute there, I about had myself convinced to move back home. Haha.

Well, anyway, the point of this blog is to say - God is still faithful, still good. Even when I struggle to love the rest of existence, I love Him. As they say, in sickness and in health. I just love God. Give thanks in everything. So I give thanks to Him. For his love endures forever!

2009-10-05T18:33:00.001-07:00

I am still
And I am in awe
Of the God whose mercies are new
every morning, they surprise me.

Though riches
and relationships
and the worlds wonders entice
I count them but loss.

You can have all this world
but give me Jesus.

For its in Him my heart is freed
and my whole being is drawn
to worship.

My soul cries out.
Every part of me cries out
to lift Him higher.
For he has lifted me.

2 Rules for Life

2009-10-05T05:36:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking this morning and came to this conclusion. There are two important rules in this rollercoaster life...

1. Fix your eyes on Jesus (the author and finish of our faith)
2. Hold on

God is our rock and our sure foundation.

This song in me...

2009-09-30T15:53:00.001-07:00

Oh God, You have put a song in my heart. You have put a new song in my heart so many times, but I don't know how to fully get it out. When I worship you, I feel your presence in me and I long for more of you. But God, so many times, the world pulls me. My humanity confronts me... Lord, somehow, someday. Please use me. Please take this music out of me and minister to others...

Here is part of a song I'll finish someday...

You are my life - You are what I long for.
It is you that I love and adore.
You are more than words can explain.
You fill my soul with gladness
You bottle up my sadness
and set my heart free.

So Why does the world pull me away
Why does my heart always stray?
I break from the burden.
And Why do I run when I should stay?
Day after day,
I face my weakness and I cry.

You are my strength, you are my portion
You hold me when I'm broken
and mend my heavy heart.
You set my feet on the Foundation
and say I won't be shaken.
Though I stumble I won't fall.

Worth it All

2009-09-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this

-Rita Springer

When I get up, I just fall back down again.

2009-09-29T20:13:00.001-07:00

Did you ever hear that song by superchick? The chorus goes something like this...

"If i get up i might fall back down again
so let's get up come on
If i get up i might fall back down again
we get up anyway
If i get up i might fall back down again
so let's get up come on
If i get up i might fall back down again
I might fall back down again
We'll just jump and see, even if it's the 20th time
we'll just jump and see if we can fly"

It feels so real right now. 2 hours ago I was soaring. An hour and a half ago, I was speaking truth and filled with joy in the lord. An hour ago I felt weighed down and broken. Life just isn't predictable... :)

God never said the walk with him would be easy. He just asks me to press on and keep moving. Though I stumble, He catches me. And he sets my feet back on the firm foundation and pushes me forward again.

So, Lord, I come before you. My humanity has caught me by surprise and knocked me off balance once again. I confess that I am selfish by nature. I confess that though my spirit is willing, my flesh is weak. Come and be my strength once again. Restore in my your joy. I've fallen Lord, and may fall back down again, but I'll get up again.

2009-09-25T12:15:00.000-07:00

I delight myself in you.

A Wonderful Surprise

2009-09-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

So, I met this girl a week ago and we really hit it off. We had a great talk, but didn't talk again for the past week. However, I just got a text from her saying that she ran across this passage and felt the Lord telling her to show it to me:

I Cor 2:9 "However, as it is written: No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"

How awesome is that!!!! I'm so excited for God's plans... but mostly. I'm excited to just keep loving God with everything in me and leaving my worries behind. God is good and faithful.

Thanks Father for your word to me!

The God who doesn't always explain...

2009-09-21T19:05:00.001-07:00

Oh You. The God who doesn't tell me why.
The God who doesn't explain.

You tell me to jump
Embrace the flames
To Endure the storm
To move through the pain
You push me to run
Yet tell me to stay

Oh You. Dear God who doesn't tell me why.
Dear God who doesn't explain.

You give
You take
You free me
and yet,
enslave me.

Oh You. My God who doesn't tell me why.
My God who doesn't explain.

You don't tell me why you are allowing
life to hammer me to pieces.
You just slowly pick the pieces up one at a time
and form them into something so beautiful.
You don't explain the losses I face
You just fill the empty space.
You don't give answers why when I cry.
You just stand by.

Oh You. Wonderful God who doesn't tell me why.
Wonderful God who doesn't explain.

Oh You.
You are God.
Wonderful God.

To my Abba Father. My Jehovah Jireh. My God.

2009-09-20T11:15:00.000-07:00

Oh my heart is filled to overflowing.
When I am in your presence, I feel Your arms wrap around me.
I am astounded by how you move me,
by how you touch me.
I find myself humbled by your presence.
I dance before you.
For your burden is so light
and your yoke so easy.
It lifts my feet.

And I. How can I help but love you?
How can I want anything less than You?
How can I let you go?
No. As you hold onto me, I hold onto you.
You have gripped my heart, and so I,
grip your robe.
Your feet.
You.

You consume me at every opportunity.
You send me fire, then
give me joy.

No waves can drown me,
for my eyes are fixed on you.
Though the storm knock me over
Your hand pulls me through.
I stand on the top of this mountain of water.
Though it poured down to drown
I found you and rose.

You oh God are most worthy of all praises.
You oh Father have enraptured my heart.
You oh Lord. Only you O Lord.
Though other things have fought for its piece,
I find you will not release me.
I am yours. I am wholly yours.
Not my own.

And I love you. Oh How I love you.
Spill out of me.

Your Love

2009-09-20T11:06:00.000-07:00

Mm. Your Love.
Are there words big enough to describe it?
Your Love is Amazing.
Extravagant.
Unforgettable.
And yet, more.
There is simply Nothing like your love.

You have captured my heart
in its entirety.

Your Love is like
a fresh morning breeze.
It blows over me and
fills me with peace.

Your love is like
an afternoon thunderstorm.
It washes over me and
resounds in my soul.

Your Love is like
a moonless night on the top of a mountain.
Its brilliance surrounds me
and I stand in awe.

Mm. Your Love.
Are there words big enough to describe it?
You have captured my heart
in its entirety.

Everything else, I consider loss
in comparison to the surpassing greatness
of knowing you more.
Of Loving you more.

All because of
Your Love...

2009-09-16T19:56:00.001-07:00

Press on.
Be strong and do it.

I could name a number of reasons why you ought to do so...but I'll just name one. Perseverance produces character. And from there, who knows what you might find...

So Press on. Throw off everything that hinders, fix your eyes on Jesus, and move.

(Rom 5:3-5, Phil 4:12-14, Heb 10:23, 2 Thes 2:15, 2 Thes 3:5, Heb 12:1-3, Heb 12:7a, James 1:2-4, James 1:12, James 5:10-11, 2 Ptr 1:5-11, Luke 8:15, Rev ch 2 & 3)

So Good.

2009-09-15T19:26:00.000-07:00

God is so good. God is so good. God is so good. He's so good to me.
Even when I'm down. Feel like he's not around. God is so good. He's so good to me.

He answers prayer. He answers prayer. He answers prayer. He's so good to me.
Before I even call. Before I even speak. He answers prayer. He's so good to me.

God is so good. God is so good. God is so good. He's so good to me.
He takes all my tears. He turns them into joy. God is so good. He's so good to me.

A moment of honesty

2009-09-13T12:40:00.001-07:00

I try to be strong. Always.
I try not to show my weakness, but let me be honest.

I am so weak. I am so broken. And It doesn't matter how high God brings me, somehow I always find myself back on my knees crying out to God "I can't do this". "I can't make it". It doesn't matter how much I love God. It doesn't matter how much I crave him in my life. I wish I could say I didn't want other things, but the truth is, I want them so badly and I can't hate God when he says no, because He has been so good to me. But I just fall at his feet and I cry because I don't know what else to do. I am trying to trust in Him, but I don't know how. I want to run away, but I want HIM to be my escape. And yet, though he offers escape, my flesh resists him.

So here I am. At this moment. Broken. Torn by my desires. Wanting to trust in him, but struggling to let go. As active as my imagination is, I just can't imagine the ending to this story and I wish I could write it for myself. But i know if I could it wouldn't be as good as his. So I'm struggling with giving up on the book completely. That's what I do sometimes when I don't like how the story is going... and right now, I'm not sure I like the story at all... I think this story actually might suck.

And yet, when I come down from my emotional funk, I land on my Foundation. He still offers me hope and so, with what little strength I have, I hold on.

In my heart...

2009-09-13T05:31:00.000-07:00

In my heart, I have planned my course,
but the Lord has determined my steps.
(Proverbs 16:9)

At times, I stubbornly follow my own road,
but, though I stumble, I will not fall, for the Lord upholds me with his hand.
(Psalm 37:24)

He has me in his hands,
and nothing can remove me from it.
(John 10:29)

And I know that He is faithful. (I Thes 5:24 & Heb 10:23)

So though I plan my course. I submit those plans to him.
God's ways are higher than my ways (Isaiah 55:9).

Though I cannot understand his plans,
I just acknowledge Him, worship Him, praise him in all my ways...
He will direct my paths.
(Proverbs 3:5-6)