The Search (Singleness - Part 1)
Although I accepted Jesus as my Savior at 4 years old, I had a revelation in the last couple of years, that if TRUTH be told, I was waiting for another savior. This savior was going to rescue me from a life and job I didn't want. He was going to challenge me and make me a better person. He was going to give me the life I always wanted. When he came into my life, then I could fulfill the calling I'd always thought was mine since I was young.
At an early age, I knew that I wanted to be a wife and a mother when I grew up. I felt called to it. While other kids dreamed of being teachers, doctors, astronauts, and world changers, my dreams were simple. I wanted to love a family. Sure, I wanted to do ministry with my family too, but first and foremost, I wanted to love them.
As I proceeded through life, I had highs and lows, new hopes and lots of disappointments. In relationships, I went from feeling totally worthless to feeling overwhelmed by indecision and confusion to being full of hope to discouraged. In 2013, only weeks away from being 29 and at the end of another relationship, I sat before God in frustration. I felt so called to marriage, and overwhelmed by my inability to make it happen and fulfill this calling, and I vented my frustration to the Lord.
THIS was the beginning of a new journey for me.
God began to speak to my heart about being obedient in little steps, and over the course of the next year, he began to challenge me to release all of the things I'd held onto and built my life around. Then it happened. In 2014, while God had already been speaking to me for months about leaving my job, I had this revelation moment. I realized that I was sitting in my office day after day waiting for a savior to come and save me from my job and life I didn't want.
This revelation was pivotal in my life! This was another part of my journey, learning to walk in deeper trust with the Lord. God began to speak to my heart about trusting in HIM as my provider! I began to see that while I thought my calling to be a wife and mother was clear, that with GOD, it WAS still possible to fulfill this calling and NEVER get married in the physical here on earth. For in reality, I AM called to be the bride of Christ, and I could be a mother to the motherless. This was a mind bender, but life changing revelation!
I did finally take a leap of faith and leave my job in September of 2014, and in January of 2015, I went to do a YWAM DTS in Kona, Hawaii.
During that time at YWAM, God revealed to me that getting married had a been a false god to me. He reminded me of things I had said early on in life to him (Like... "God, you better not come back before I get married!"), making it clear that getting married was one of the most important things in my life. When he revealed this to me, I repented and laid that idol in my life down at his feet, and I can't say enough how much he has changed my heart in the past year!
Not only did he free me of that false god in my life, but he also began to show me that I COULD have the life I always wanted in HIM. HE was providing for all of my needs (and I had no income!). HE was allowing me to be a full time "volunteer" (which was one of my lifelong dreams), and on top of all that, He was filling me with so much JOY and CONTENTMENT like I'd never known before. He was challenging my heart (and HEALING ME) and making me a better person.... All these things I thought I would find in a man, I found in my TRUE SAVIOR.
During 2015, I began to learn to change my words from "when I get married" to "IF I get married".... I began to recognize that marriage IS NOT the most important thing in life, and I began to evaluate how I could live life to the fullest in CHRIST, regardless of circumstances.
Can you say FREEDOM???? I FELT SO FREE!
Reality is, our culture feeds the need for romantic relationships to us everyday. It's in every movie. It's at church. It's at work. It's in advertisements. It's on the billboards. It's at restaurants. It's at the beach. It's in the AIR.... Everywhere we turn, we are confronted with them, and our world tells us we NEED them.
Well meaning and wonderful people will reassure us single women - "you'll get married someday"... and we HOPE they are right... But what about the women who never do? What about the ones who wait for YEARS and their prince charming never arrives? We hate to acknowledge it, but these stories do exist.
I've been challenged this past year. It's time to get honest with myself. It IS possible, I will never get married. Most would say it's not likely, but still, it forces me to ask myself this question. Can I find joy and contentment for my life if that's my story?
The Bible doesn't promise marriage to me. The truth is, while God DOES delight to give good things to his children, the BEST thing he could give me is MORE of HIM, and I have made the choice to trust that HE knows the best thing for me. It's very possible that He will reveal more of Himself to me through marriage someday, but I have confidence that no matter what He brings or DOESN'T bring my way... it's the best thing for me.
I haven't given up the hope that I might get married someday, but I am choosing to position myself so that IF I do get married, it's going to be a bonus, not the missing piece of my life. Sometimes I think, we single women need to lay down hope in marriage, so that we can truly HOPE in God.
As for me, I am learning to discover what life could look like being single!
...And I am beginning to see a WHOLE WIDE WORLD FULL of opportunities! My life has purpose with or without marriage, and so does yours!
At an early age, I knew that I wanted to be a wife and a mother when I grew up. I felt called to it. While other kids dreamed of being teachers, doctors, astronauts, and world changers, my dreams were simple. I wanted to love a family. Sure, I wanted to do ministry with my family too, but first and foremost, I wanted to love them.
As I proceeded through life, I had highs and lows, new hopes and lots of disappointments. In relationships, I went from feeling totally worthless to feeling overwhelmed by indecision and confusion to being full of hope to discouraged. In 2013, only weeks away from being 29 and at the end of another relationship, I sat before God in frustration. I felt so called to marriage, and overwhelmed by my inability to make it happen and fulfill this calling, and I vented my frustration to the Lord.
THIS was the beginning of a new journey for me.
God began to speak to my heart about being obedient in little steps, and over the course of the next year, he began to challenge me to release all of the things I'd held onto and built my life around. Then it happened. In 2014, while God had already been speaking to me for months about leaving my job, I had this revelation moment. I realized that I was sitting in my office day after day waiting for a savior to come and save me from my job and life I didn't want.
This revelation was pivotal in my life! This was another part of my journey, learning to walk in deeper trust with the Lord. God began to speak to my heart about trusting in HIM as my provider! I began to see that while I thought my calling to be a wife and mother was clear, that with GOD, it WAS still possible to fulfill this calling and NEVER get married in the physical here on earth. For in reality, I AM called to be the bride of Christ, and I could be a mother to the motherless. This was a mind bender, but life changing revelation!
I did finally take a leap of faith and leave my job in September of 2014, and in January of 2015, I went to do a YWAM DTS in Kona, Hawaii.
During that time at YWAM, God revealed to me that getting married had a been a false god to me. He reminded me of things I had said early on in life to him (Like... "God, you better not come back before I get married!"), making it clear that getting married was one of the most important things in my life. When he revealed this to me, I repented and laid that idol in my life down at his feet, and I can't say enough how much he has changed my heart in the past year!
Not only did he free me of that false god in my life, but he also began to show me that I COULD have the life I always wanted in HIM. HE was providing for all of my needs (and I had no income!). HE was allowing me to be a full time "volunteer" (which was one of my lifelong dreams), and on top of all that, He was filling me with so much JOY and CONTENTMENT like I'd never known before. He was challenging my heart (and HEALING ME) and making me a better person.... All these things I thought I would find in a man, I found in my TRUE SAVIOR.
During 2015, I began to learn to change my words from "when I get married" to "IF I get married".... I began to recognize that marriage IS NOT the most important thing in life, and I began to evaluate how I could live life to the fullest in CHRIST, regardless of circumstances.
Can you say FREEDOM???? I FELT SO FREE!
Reality is, our culture feeds the need for romantic relationships to us everyday. It's in every movie. It's at church. It's at work. It's in advertisements. It's on the billboards. It's at restaurants. It's at the beach. It's in the AIR.... Everywhere we turn, we are confronted with them, and our world tells us we NEED them.
Well meaning and wonderful people will reassure us single women - "you'll get married someday"... and we HOPE they are right... But what about the women who never do? What about the ones who wait for YEARS and their prince charming never arrives? We hate to acknowledge it, but these stories do exist.
I've been challenged this past year. It's time to get honest with myself. It IS possible, I will never get married. Most would say it's not likely, but still, it forces me to ask myself this question. Can I find joy and contentment for my life if that's my story?
The Bible doesn't promise marriage to me. The truth is, while God DOES delight to give good things to his children, the BEST thing he could give me is MORE of HIM, and I have made the choice to trust that HE knows the best thing for me. It's very possible that He will reveal more of Himself to me through marriage someday, but I have confidence that no matter what He brings or DOESN'T bring my way... it's the best thing for me.
I haven't given up the hope that I might get married someday, but I am choosing to position myself so that IF I do get married, it's going to be a bonus, not the missing piece of my life. Sometimes I think, we single women need to lay down hope in marriage, so that we can truly HOPE in God.
As for me, I am learning to discover what life could look like being single!
...And I am beginning to see a WHOLE WIDE WORLD FULL of opportunities! My life has purpose with or without marriage, and so does yours!
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