A moment of honesty
I try to be strong. Always.
I try not to show my weakness, but let me be honest.
I am so weak. I am so broken. And It doesn't matter how high God brings me, somehow I always find myself back on my knees crying out to God "I can't do this". "I can't make it". It doesn't matter how much I love God. It doesn't matter how much I crave him in my life. I wish I could say I didn't want other things, but the truth is, I want them so badly and I can't hate God when he says no, because He has been so good to me. But I just fall at his feet and I cry because I don't know what else to do. I am trying to trust in Him, but I don't know how. I want to run away, but I want HIM to be my escape. And yet, though he offers escape, my flesh resists him.
So here I am. At this moment. Broken. Torn by my desires. Wanting to trust in him, but struggling to let go. As active as my imagination is, I just can't imagine the ending to this story and I wish I could write it for myself. But i know if I could it wouldn't be as good as his. So I'm struggling with giving up on the book completely. That's what I do sometimes when I don't like how the story is going... and right now, I'm not sure I like the story at all... I think this story actually might suck.
And yet, when I come down from my emotional funk, I land on my Foundation. He still offers me hope and so, with what little strength I have, I hold on.
I try not to show my weakness, but let me be honest.
I am so weak. I am so broken. And It doesn't matter how high God brings me, somehow I always find myself back on my knees crying out to God "I can't do this". "I can't make it". It doesn't matter how much I love God. It doesn't matter how much I crave him in my life. I wish I could say I didn't want other things, but the truth is, I want them so badly and I can't hate God when he says no, because He has been so good to me. But I just fall at his feet and I cry because I don't know what else to do. I am trying to trust in Him, but I don't know how. I want to run away, but I want HIM to be my escape. And yet, though he offers escape, my flesh resists him.
So here I am. At this moment. Broken. Torn by my desires. Wanting to trust in him, but struggling to let go. As active as my imagination is, I just can't imagine the ending to this story and I wish I could write it for myself. But i know if I could it wouldn't be as good as his. So I'm struggling with giving up on the book completely. That's what I do sometimes when I don't like how the story is going... and right now, I'm not sure I like the story at all... I think this story actually might suck.
And yet, when I come down from my emotional funk, I land on my Foundation. He still offers me hope and so, with what little strength I have, I hold on.
I am so proud of you. Your story is one that many girls would die to have. I repeat, I am so proud of you. Your honesty is amazing and freeing. In your honesty, God can bring you freedom from your pain, and he will bring you a helping hand and shoulder. Wish you could come to Costa Rica. ;) there's always room for you in my heart and home.
ReplyDelete"You are made more than a conqueror through him who LOVES YOU!"
"You have been bought with a price,..."
ALL MY LOVE.
woot woot! He always is taking care of you! Look forward to seeing you!
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