Mercy

by Kristene Mueller

What shall I do with you, my love?
What shall I do with you?
For your loyalty to Me is like the morning clouds,
Like the dew that goes away so early.

What shall I do with you, my love?
You keep bringing Me sacrifices
To ease your mind,
But it's your heart that I want.

Hasn't it been a long road
With disappointments,
Chasing after lovers
That just throw you away?

And are you done fighting now?
All the love it takes to lighten you,
Shame was never meant to be your portion.

You keep bringing Me sacrifices
To ease your mind,
But it's your heart that I want.

Though these sins are red as scarlet,
I will wash them white in My mercy.
Though these sins are red as scarlet,
I will wash them white in My mercy.
Though these sins are red as scarlet,
I will wash them white in My mercy.

What shall I do with you, my love?
What shall I do with you?
You keep bringing Me sacrifices
To ease your mind,
But it's your heart that I want.
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Though I am trying to praise God in the storm, my heart is heavy. I am filled with my own self-condemnation and I stand before God ashamed. If I could just hide myself away, I would. But I know that hiding does nothing for me, and you never get anywhere when you cover your eyes and curl up in a ball. I am having a hard time remembering the truth right now, and God's voice has become a distant whisper in the wind. But what I do remember just enough to hang on. This song reminds me that God is NOT pointing his finger at me shouting...You selfish, proud, worthless failure. And though I may think those things on occasion, I know they aren't true either. I still his faint whisper reminding me that He loves me. Saying, just come to me beloved. I have fearfully and wonderfully made you. I don't want your sacrifices... I just want you.

I won't divulge everything that is going on inside of me, but I am writing this simply because I am trying to remember what I do know. And I want to thank my God for all that he is given me. It is too easy to see what He holds out of my reach, but I want to focus on all that He has given me. And He has given me sooooo much.

You know, in all my life, I've never had a more faithful friend. A more faithful provider. Everything good came from HIM. I don't know why it is such a struggle to trust him sometimes, because I know that I know that I know HE is worthy of my trust. I can trust Him. Will this struggle against my flesh and natural desires ever cease? Will I ever find release? The longer I live, the more I am sure of this. My struggle here on earth will not end until Christ comes and takes me home as His bride... and as my cousin reminded me. I can wake up every morning and rejoice! For I am one day closer to my wedding day.

Its so easy to get focused on my time here on earth. And there are a number of things I'd like to have while here on earth... but what really matters is forever. And I can't wait until my wedding day with my Lover Jesus... He will sweep me up into the clouds and take me home.

Until then, Oh God. I need your grace to make it another day... Life here can be so lonely, and its so easy to lose hope... But I will yet praise you my Savior and my God. I will put my hope in you. Renew my hope Father. Renew me. I feel so weak. I need your strength to feel this weak...