Fear - the Antitrust Emotion

Ever since I was little I remember fear... Fear has been a household guest. Invited on vacations, into school- even church. But in case you have never met it, let me tell you. It is a cruel and debilitating companion. In addition to that, it is deceptive. I never thought I was afraid of many things, because when my friends said they were afraid of the dark or of bad grades, etc etc etc - I couldn't relate. So I figured, I just didn't have fear. The truth is, I'm afraid of a lot of things. But the thing I am most of afraid of is making a mistake, ie: Imperfection.

I come from a family of believers. They believe in God, and the Bible - and therefore, believed in trusting God. Unfortunately, with fear keeping such close company with us, Trust didn't really get much attention. What ifs could squeeze in, and the oh nos... But Fear is anti-trust, and they never really meshed.

Although I'm sure I've seen this in myself in the past, I am being reminded again of the little faith I have. And trusting God, phew. What a challenge. Not because I don't think God is able to be and do all he says He is and will do... but because fear grips me. But if God really is who he professes to be... who I have Professed Him to be... Then... I shouldn't be afraid.

The anecdote to fear is trust. And to survive? Its a must.

My prayer once again is this... That God would help my unbelief, and that he would remind me who he is. And though I cannot trust myself and all of my emotions, I know I can trust in the one who knows me better than anyone else. God. Oh God. You see my heart and all of its aches and cravings. You see it. And You are taking care of me. Though I want to know all of the answers, I don't need to know them. All I need to know is that you are still God. And everything that goes with that... Sovereign, Loving, Compassionate, Just, Provider, Healer, Father, etc etc etc...

Thank you God! Thank you that in this journey of life, you are teaching me and drawing me closer to you day be day... Be with those I love and draw close to them too. Let us all know you more. And teach me God... Teach me your ways, that I may walk in them.

Teach me patience, kindness, gentleness... and everything else that is part of who you are - Love. And Thank you for the messengers of your love that you provide... Lord, I pray that I would be a messenger of your love too.